Latly i've been thinking, am i a bad person? i meen it seems that people seem to be more anoyed with me and keep there distance more and more, i must igmit that i am more then often lonly. I'm normaly just faced with myself when I look for some one to talk with. No one realy comes to me to talk anymore, i'm always a last resort and every one and then (ok realy just then) some one to interparit dreams.
I try to make people feel more comftable around me and so that i'm not a bad person but i still never am treated as some one to be trusted. I guess thats to be exspected tho. I want to be the kind of person that some one can talk to when they need you, but then again i never realy was.
I'm starting to get more and more sick, i think i've had this fiver of what ever it it for 3 months now and its realy starting to make me feel sick the back cuple weeks, as i type this now I can feel my stumic turning. I've been geting more and longer painful hadeacks but I never realy say anything. My mom always seems to have something wrong every now and then so theres no point in me saying anything, my pains not worth the coners of others...but i do know that i cant keep this up. I am going to die soon if this keeps up, always sick, headacks and almost no sleep now.
I'm alweays disinorentated durning the day, trying to ack "normal" the normal that i made every one around me beleave to me me. My mask. I'm geting worce and worce realy, I seem to never think strate and its geting harder and harder to just seem like a normal carefree, slack off, goofy teen.
How long before I finly show my true self? I cant let any one see it! I know that then I would some how be even more alone then now, tho i dont know how thats even posable. The real me that no one sees. The one that every one would fear. The one that they see isint realy a mask.... befor I came to be in this body there was another. The true soul that is the happy child. I'm nothing more then a monster. I'm not even 100% sure of what i truly am. all i know is I'm not hunam.
Is this why I try so hard? becaus i know that if any one found out theyed run? This is why I'm alone alredy, no mater what, I will give off an aura that makes people unaturaly uneasy around me. There are even people at my school that fear me. Knowing this I try even harder. So... I make then hate me for something eles. The kids in my school ither hate me, will go out of there way to make fun of me, avode me, or somewhat know me and will put up with me. But i guess its better that they have something to hate me for now then when I show my true self.
I always do wonder tho, what would life be like after i do show my self. Well no matter, when I do show my self i wont have a long life after that. I'll keep hiding under my mask for as long as i can and when it brakes will be soon befor I leave this body...but i can just yet. I know that i could hold the.... No... I think this is where I should end it today....maybe forever
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Genea Community Member 
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Silicon Smart
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BxR Pants Girl
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Mikey Murder Community Member 
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First off, if you have a fever, I think you should do something about it. See a doctor! I want you to get well soon. sweatdrop
About this... form... if you think people would react negatively to it, then why also give them another reason to not like you? That doesnt look like it would help to do anything other than drive you to isolation. ...and from this journal entry, that doesn't look like something you'd want.
Why would this unmasking result in a shortened life? o.o;;