There's a dizzy, sticky pounding in my head. I don't know how long it's been here for, days? weeks? months?
No one's particularly happy with me. I killed someone on the wrong side, on my side. Obviously, they couldn't just let this slide again. So they locked me up, with the bullet still lodged in my forehead. It's interfering with my processes, burning red hot as electricity continues to pulse through it.
In the dark, I can hear my clockwork heart keeping rime. Damn Hull and all his good intentions. He screwed up again and I'm just another one of his failures.
My hand twitches, I want my drugs. As much as I'd like to deny the fact, I'm dependant on them. Withdrawal won't make me shake or shiver or vomit but my processing unit now clear od the drug's influence takes my thoughts to places they shouldn't go.
I'm not indifferent, and I'm not always angry but over the years I have learned that as much as they want me to be human, they don't want me to feel.
They want me to kill. Assasinate, infiltrate and feel nothing. Then, they want me to recognize their morals and their values, to uphold them. They want me to know that killing this woman is different than killing that woman because that woman was on the wrong side. Fat chance.
I'll do whatever the hell I want. The orders they give me leave no room for moral complications and I see no need to make room for them after the fact.That's why I'm here after all. The powers that be are throwing a temper tantrum because I turned out to be more than a complacent pile of bolts and sythetic skin. Go figure.
So I stare into the dark, there isn't any thing else to do.
The walls are closing in. This isn't a trick of my eyes, I can hear the mechanisms that push the walls together grinding out powering my clockwork.
They want me to repent, to cry out that i'm sorry. To beg them not to crush me.
I used to be scared of death, but I'm not know. Death for me is no pain, no squishy vital organs, it cannot be worse than the nothingness that surrounds me know. So, if it's the choice between repeat or repent, I'll repeat and damn them all.
ayoura Community Member 
|
|
