As I go along through life. I wonder what I am going to do with my what could be a short life. The thing is, the further I go through life I find these flaws in myself, these things, these characteristic problems. I can't stand a lot of people but, yet, I seem to be happy while around others. I am never completely satisfied but on occasions, there is this one person I can look to, although it seems like everyone I meet in life I tend to let down every often. My father well, he finds life hard enough without me screwing everything up, and I never seem to pay much attention to him. My sister hates me, who could blame her. My mom thinks I'm a complete slob. My friends, It seems like every time I set up plans I can't even keep, and on occasion it seems to me like I might just be using some of them. So, I hate being with my family, can't make it important enough to keep up with myself, along with self disappointment I suppress, in which my failure writing skills seem to be the only outlet. I look in the mirror every morning, just hoping it wont shatter in to a million pieces just by the sight of me. I can't stand myself, lets add that to the equation. To add more I start drawing these things and pictures (people say they are crop circles) and it appears I am far from the brightest person in school based on grades. And I can barely shut myself up. I have attempted to hang myself and had three others all friends of my almost blamed for it at a very young age. I have beat myself emotionally and mentally amounts getting bigger everyday. This one kid I have almost killed. I walked out on my friends who had done so much for me in times of need, when it could have cost them their own limbs. Oddly when writing this I am starting to think I might actually be emo, no that I want to be or anything. I have seen many doctors, lots in which have to do with mental health issues. Now that I got all that out feel free to bother me just because of the things I wrote here. Your fellow 9th grader now and 9 and 1/2 grader to be signing off.
The Truth is I still don't know who I am yet.
 Kaizath · Wed Dec 30, 2009 @ 08:23am · 1 Comments |
