Welcome to Gaia! :: View User's Journal | Gaia Journals

What does it feel like ? you might ask. To be told by hoards of people that you mean nothing, to feel like you are nothing, to have no real sense of future. I'll tell you what it feels like.

It feels like resistance, the same resistance you get from lifting a large weight. it hurts, its difficult, but its doable, and it'll be over soon. Its not like lifting weights in a weight room with friends. There's no spotter, no one to call out to for help, there is you, and a weight that's going to crush your skull if you let it go.

Because of this long, exhausting rep, I am stronger, I have been given knowledge. because I did not let this weight kill me, i am done with it. It's on the floor and i never have to touch it again. There are no marks on my wrists, just a hell of allot of burnt bridges and people I cant talk to any more.

Im no charity case, i dont need any ones help, dont need sympathy for what I've already endured. Because i've faced my demons, because i came back, I have been given rebirth. A chance to restart and live happily with every thing I've learned from my past failure to help me.

I am who i am now thanks to what i have lived through.

Thats the way i want it.