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You know that old saying "you win some, you lose some?" well lately it seems to me that my life is a comic joke for the gods or something. They made it so my life motto would be "you win none, and lose some." I'm usually not one to complain, i'm more the type to get angry and break things. Or that's what would be true if my mom were right about me. More to the point, i just wanted to write that my life sucks. I know what you're thinking, "Suck it up ya big baby." Heh, well I've been trying. But life is hard. And it seems that with each passing moment it's getting harder and harder to breath. I know all too well what that's like, being asthmatic. Only it's much slower. Like someone duct taping your mouth and nose shut and then they slice a little hole for your mouth, and make you breath through a straw after they've dumped your body into a lake with cement shoes. And each time you blink, they switch the straw with a smaller one.

"Life is like a box of chocolates...." well my box of chocolates has been out in the sun too long. -_-; My mom is giving me hell about getting a job, I've applied everywhere i could and got the door slammed in my face each time. She's giving me hell even though she couldn't get a part time job herself. she thinks it's easy. But it's not. It never is. My best friend in the entire world hates me because of something I did. I haven't seen her for two entire months, and the only one time I actually saw her, was when a common friend of ours and i were off to hang out and play smack down vs raw 2k10. I don't know what i could have done to piss her off this much. Mostly because I, like the rest of the male population, am an idiot. -_-

If she were here right now, she would whack me on the head with a bahn hammer or something. Mostly due to her anger. Usually she would hit me with her hand. The pain is great but it's not enough to make me feel anything. One of the perks of being heartless. The heartless thing, came from my ex, before we dated. I found it devastating, but later, came to like it. Being heartless has it's ups and downs. Like when your at your grandpa's funeral. You don't cry until you've touched his corpse. Feeling the similarity between yourself and the corpse. Lack of a heartbeat. Scaring the life out of your mom and not having to feel sorry for all the suffering you've caused. Not getting upset when deep down you know you deserve to. And even not feeling bad when a crap load of bad stuff happens all at the same time. Like your ipod breaking, you lose your job, you get kicked out of your home and you lose your girlfriend because you were heartless. All the tears you couldn't shed. All of the times you should've been dead. All of the times you spread grief, and even the times when you were a thief.

I remember the times when i was a thief well. Back when i was 5, My aunt couldn't trust me as far as she could throw her voice. And trust me that woman can yell. Every time i left my cousin's house, she would make sure to pat me down like she was a cop. My cousin resented me because i'd smash his things when he got me upset. I broke his controller in half by accident but it still makes me sad that i'd remember this. I back up a toy bat-mobile into his eye when we were young. I still haven't forgotten. After that there was the time we moved into a small town called hastings. He thought i threw a football at him intentionally, and i didn't, but it still hit him in the back of the head really hard. We shouted at the top of our lungs, but since we hadn't gone through puberty yet, it sounded like high pitch screaming. He ran inside and i followed after him. He got the knife and held it out at me. I approached him without caution. I don't intentionally hurt people. Not even my family. He was still scared out of his mind, and bolted past me and up the stairs. He shouted "Get out and never come back!" i shouted back "Then gimme my madden and I'll leave!" he tossed down the game and locked himself in his room. He wasn't much of a fighter, and neither was i, i was just bigger than him. That's why he was scared. Well that and my reputation that i earned in fourth grade.

I was sleeping at a table in the cafeteria during the 3rd to last week of school, it was a monday i think. Everyone waited in the cafeteria for the first bell to ring and classes to start. Well i thought why not catch some Zs while i wait. I lay my head down and closed my eyes. Then i was hit by a little metal gun from an action figure, and opened my eyes with sever anger. I looked around the table and shouted at the top of my lungs "Who threw this?" holding the gun in my hand. I chucked it after no one answered and slammed my fists down onto the table. A teacher came up behind and grabbed me by the arm. I turned and shoved him down. Two more teachers rushed to grab me but i dragged them instead. both grabbed one of my arms, but i'm guessing the grip on their shoes were completely worn down because i dragged them with ease. And i wasn't very strong at all. Hell right now i've barely got any muscle. I'm really slender. But they were barely even an obstacle. A thrid teacher grabbed my waist and they started to slow me down. But i found my target then and focused on her. She was a spoiled rotten blond premadonna that thought of nothing but herself. I roared in anger with every step and dragged them along for the ride. Eventually i was stopped before i could cause anymore trouble. The teacher i knocked down at the beginning grabbed my leg and the other teacher that had my waist switched to my other leg. They picked me up before i got to her and brought me down to the principal's office. They tossed me in and closed the door. After i was taken home by my mom i felt this pain in my chest, i looked down and saw a pencil stabbed into my right pec, i didn't notice before because my clothes hid it. I just ripped it out and fell asleep. Mom went on and on about that incident for years. Til this day she brings it up.

I guess all of it is deserved considering i should be dead though. My mom isn't even my real mom, she's my aunt. Her sister apparently didn't want me. She was planning on getting me aborted. I just found this out last night. It made me feel like crap. But i'll get over it. eventually.