Welcome to Gaia! :: View User's Journal | Gaia Journals

okay so i said i would keep a daily journal, well i ended up being quite busy and never did get the chance so i shall be starting as of now. here is my first entry however this is about last night.

okay

so i had a bad day, woke up and just didnt feel right about anything. i broke down and realized a lot about myself. i lost a lot about myself today but i also gained a lot as well. after cutting up an entire notebook into tiny little squares i curled up in my closet and passed out for an hour or so. when i did come out i decided to work on my painting. i got the base drawn up so i am happy about that.

however

the best part about today didnt start until around 7 and that was when sean got online. we talked for a while but then we starting camming, it was nice to see him smile again. then we used mics and talked for a bit. we asked eachother questions and got out a lot of things we have been holding in for about 1 year and a half now. then after having a really long heart to heart talk we played guitar hero. only like 4 songs though. we were up till 2 am talking. then we texted until he fell asleep. now i am talking to him again about music while hes at work.

i miss him a lot. i am glad that hes talking to me though. steve and me are drifting right now and it sucks because its when i need him most but hes also having issues because its almost the same time his dad died last year. sean is keeping my company and not in a romantic way, just a friend way. i am glad i got to hang out with him when i was up in MN. he gave me a super twirl hug, it was so awesome. i love when he picks me up, hes so much taller than i am. hes freaken 6'9" and i am 5'7"....he calls me shortie.

i really can not wait to go clubbing with him, hes the only guy i know who can dance. and since steve said he doesnt like dancing he might let me go alone with sean but only if i can trust him alone with tori. /sigh, that will take time but i will get used to the idea soon enough. plus i want to go clubbing with sean, hes a great dancer and when we get in a zone its really fun for us. steve trusts me, he doesnt trust sean, i wish he would though. sean would never put me in a position to hurt me, he has had many chances and he wont do that to me.

but yah


thats all for now