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Curling up close to the warm body next to him Pen sighed taking a deep breath of the cool summer air that weaved in through the window, hinting softly over Saint's shoulder. Listening to Saint's evening breathing Pen closed his eyes unable to sleep but too comfortable to move. The scent of aftershave and vanilla emitting off of the other man. Pen had always slept with Saint, ever since he was small. It was just what they did. Being left alone Pen tended to have nightmares,Bloody phantoms of the past racing up behind him so that he would pace at nights just to avoid confronting his fears. The red head seemed to chase all of these unpleasant thoughts away when he was near. May it be the fact that he was so simple and childish during the day or that Pen felt safe he would never know. Laying his head down on the pillow Pen sighed again feeling Saint's arms slide around him and hold him close muttering something in Gaelic in his sleep as he pulled the blond so close all Pen could breath was Saint's heat.Afraid to move for a moment Pen looked up and saw Saint staring down at him with lidded eyes, His green pools staring back listlessly in as sleepy glance.
"Why are you still up?" He asked sliding his hands over Pen's back in a soothing manner. His palms soft and supple against Pen's skin.
"Saint, I'm fine. Go to bed will yas?" Pen spoke gently moving red bangs out of Saint's face making the man smile and lean into the affection.
"You're not my mother." he muttered softly letting himself relax. Pen loved when Saint was sleepy, his guard came down and the other boy would act more like the man he really was,he stopped pretending he was innocent and was just himself."I don't have to if I don't want to." pulling Pen close again the red head purred softly running his hands over Pen's shoulders, rubbing them softly as if the warm the boy up. His light touches sensitive to Pen's reactions. The blond's skin rough under his palms as he ran his hands up and down slowly,His thumbs stopping to massage at the top of Pen's shoulder. Blushing softly Pen buried his face into Saint's chest refusing to admit anything even if Saint wouldn't remember,"Saint?"
"Hmm?" his voice deep and calm Saint cupped Pen's face, Tilting his chin towards him delicately."What is it Pen?" caressing over his cheek as he looked into his blue eyes Saint smiled softly. His expression gentle and inviting.
"It's...nothing..." Pen muttered not even noticing that he was pressing against that hand. Begging for more affection which Saint was gladly giving. Running his fingers tenderly over tight muscles in Pen's neck massaging and rubbing the tension out of them.
"Nothing from you is a bad thing." Leaning lightly back against him and pulling the boy close again Saint purred and kissed Pen's earlobe nuzzling against his neck causing the younger man to whine softly, his hands pressing against the red head's chest as he blushed unsure on how to react as usual to wanting affection but shying away from it as well.
"Saint....Do you really love me?...." Pen asked knowing full well the answer but never asking Saint when he was coherent enough to say it to his face like Pen wished he would.
"Mmmmm" Snuggling onto the top of pen's head and breathing softly Saint cooed and held Pen close again not letting him push away,"Silly Kid." he sighed softly nuzzling against his partner's cheek and chuckling smoothly,"You know the answer to that....The real answer is if you return those feelings back." His chest rising and falling rhythmically as he sighed once more Pen nuzzled close feeling Saint falling asleep holding him tightly. His chest aching from the confusion building up inside him."Saint?" licking his lips Pen tried to slip the rest of the question in before Saint fell asleep fully,"How do you love me?" Saint's breathing stayed the same. His heart beating slowly as he drifted off to sleep. Whispering softly against pen's ear he sighed. His voice not much higher then a whisper as it left his lips.
"I love you with all of myself." resting his head on his pillow and nuzzling close the shorter man drifted off into sleep. Pen, still very much awake watching him full of mixed emotions.
"As a lover or a friend...." Pen muttered watching the pale features flutter in the dim light of the room, Hoping that Saint would answer. Holding his breath for a moment Pen sighed when there was no reply. His heart pounding through his chest thinking about what the answer could be. Sitting up in bed to rid himself of the heat and warmth Saint was giving off that was making him lightheaded Pen kicked the sheets off him and rolled over. His feet hitting the cold floor boards in his room as he swung his legs over the side.Looking over his shoulder at the sleeping man Pen sighed bringing one of his knees to his chest as he tried to catch his breath. The heat was stiffing in the room suddenly. Wiping the sweat from his brow, the tiny droplets suddenly appearing out of shear panic. Pen touched his face, Licking his lips he could taste the salt clinging to him. What was happening? Why was he crying? Why was his chest beating so hard and so fast that he could barely breath? What was his sweet sad happiness that seemed to come on those nights when Saint would hold him close and whisper that he loved him. Those nights he would get little sleep because of the strange emotions that wracked his body like a tidal wave, not settling till dawn and letting him finally sleep after he had cried out all his energy and frustrations.Holding his head in his hands Pen sobbed quietly as to not wake his friend. His shoulders heaving up and down in the darkness as he wept silently, his breath hitching every so often with the effort of remaining noiseless.
"....Why.....Does it hurt so bad..." He gasped softly holding himself feeling lost in the dark.

Saint rolled over silently having been awakened by the soft noises coming from his friend. He had woken up a few nights to him crying on the edge of the bed but know better then to reveal that he had heard him. It would only make the blond hide away from him more. Feeling like crying himself of beating something for not being able to do anything for the situation. Hearing Pen settle back down Saint purred feeling better that whatever had been distressing him had stopped. Feeling the warmth of Pen's body against his back was something he wasn't expecting though causing Saint to Freeze perfectly still. Pen's warmth caressing against him as callused fingertips touched against Saint's lips and a breath,his lost and cracked from sobbing echoed into his thoughts,"I love you Saint."
Feeling his cheeks flush Saint froze feeling gentle kisses against his forehead, his hair moved out of the way as Pen pressed his lips affectionately against his brow before snuggling up behind him, His arms encircling the others waist."Good night."