Today, I cried on my friends shoulder.
I'm so tired of hurting.
I feel like I'm drowning and my lungs are filling up with water.
I've stopped fighting for air and now I'm just waiting for the cold oblivion.
My heart hurts so much.
Last night, I put a ciggarette out on my hand and felt nothing, I guess the numbness is at an all time high.
I'm so sick with myself that I just keep throwing up.
I just cant help but blame myself.
If he doesnt wanna be with me, thats fine but why cant he treat me like a friend?
Dont ask someone to be your friend if you're only going to push them away.
I'm not the only one who sees it either.
This isn't him, or maybe it is and I just never noticed.
It's getting harder to wake up every morning.
I say I need space but all I really want is for him to tell me he loves me and go back to normal. I know he's scared.
I told my friend today that the only reason why I even agreed to be his friend despite my broken heart was the hope that he'd come back to me in the end, like he said.
I wish that were so. I'm too far in to back out now though.
I'd go to the end of the earth for him, even if he really doesnt care about me. Because, when I told him I stopped believing that he is the one, I lied. I truly believe that david and I were meant for each other, and I cant even look at anyone else that way. They're all just shallow replacements. I guess I just have to wait my turn like he waited his. Hoping that he gets into my college so he's in my life again. I don't think I'd be able to survive if I wasnt able to pick up the tiniest glimpse of him in the halls or hear his voice occasionally. The hurt would be too powerful for me to bear.
PriestessNaiomicana Community Member 
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