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Jesus Christ my family is filled with jerkasses. Two-faced jerkasses. It doesn't make any sense how they can be one way one moment and complete monsters another time. Then have the nerve to point at me and call me a monster, a cold-hearted jerk, an ugly person because I feel spite towards some of them.

I cry and hurt more than they do. My father is a selfish a*****e most of the time and only cares about his own feelings 98% of the time. He thinks I'm the most terrible being to walk this planet. It's weird how badly I try to make him happy and how highly I talk about him. I guess I just try to outweigh the bad with the good. I suppose I can, but the times when he's showing that side is so overwelming..and hurtful. Especially when he chooses my sister and Angelina over me and my mom most of the time. He's letting his 30 year old marriage deteriorate because of that little b***h. Guess what, dad? She'll grow up and leave you too when she sees no more use in you. Then probably get hurt physically and emotionally when she walks into a school with her bratty, mean, spoiled attitude. Sure she's a kid, but I swear to God she's not normal...She's evil. An evil little girl...

My mother isn't a bad person but she's so weak. She let's my family walk all over her and treat her like she's a pack mule. My brother takes advantage of her, uses up her money and time for his fatass wife (whom by the way isn't really a bad person either, but I'll get to her later). My sister is always yelling at her and saying she ahs no reason to cry and just being a jerk, making her pick her up and take her places despite my mother's exhaustion. Dad is guilty of this too. My mom is sick, wake up you assholes! Mom is ******** dying and you're acting like it's no big ******** deal! She's really sick and the doctor told her already that if she kept up the s**t she was doing, she'd die before 55. But I guess that doesn't matter huh? Dammit, mom, close the doors in their faces! Turn your back on them sometimes, they need to fall and get up on their own! This includes me!

My brother isn't all that bad. Really, I mean, I know he takes advantage of me and my parents but he's still sweet and easy to forgive. I don't really have too many complaints except that he's selfish like my father. Now he's mentally ill with the illness my dad had as a young man. Agoraphobia(sp?) I think, it's called.

My sister, oh God, I can write so much s**t here about my sister. She's a horrible, horrible, person. She's abusive in so many ways to everyone who isn't her co-workers. She hates me and has no real reason to. She treats me like I've wronged her all her life. She's even made it apparent that our relationship would come to an end if something happened to my mother and father. Don't get me wrong, she's got some good in her sometimes. But that's occasional. It's like, we can get along for maybe an hour but then she'll find a reason to lash out at me. When she's angry at everyone else, she takes it out on me or my mother. Most of the time it's me. If mom intervenes to help me out of a corner with her, she'll lash at my mother and work hard to make her cry. She's a two-face with my brother too. She says so much s**t about him and then turns around and pretends to be a good guy in fights. Then she hates his wife and talks s**t about his wife despite NOONE liking her dude. Everyone likes Evelin but not Randy. I think this is prolly why she hates Evelin so much. What a loser.

Then there's my sister-in-law Evelin. Yeah, I know, not that bad, but she does some pretty stupid and ******** up s**t that I don't think she's aware of doing. Like, she's selfish in the way that she neglects her husband and children for work and the acceptance from her peers. Her peers who take advantage of her ALL THE ******** TIME. Smart. Real smart. Even then, I'd like to think that she was my real big sister. She certainly acts more like it than my own sister who, by the way, tried beating me and ripped an earring out of my ear on several occasions. >_> Sucks for her that despite my size, I'm more agile and prone to smacking the s**t out of her with something nearby if she's advancing on me.

Randy is just a womanizing douche who does nothing but b***h about his job and get wasted. You're definitely living the high-life Randy. What an achievment.

I know this doesn't defend my honor of being a good person. Just sitting here and bitching about them non-stop and all. I just...I can't take it anymore. I love them but I don't like them. I can't stay here anymore, I've got to get out. Worst part is, Nick will be placed in the middle of this. But I swear, when he get's down here, we'll stay for awhile, but I'll work my a** off to get us out of here. I swear it.

I know I'm no saint, but I know deep in my heart that I AM NOT THEM. I am me. I abide by my morals and I feel and put my heart out there to people. Sure I'm afraid to open up to most people and I come off as cold to society, but in my defense, society hasn't offered me anything that would say that they can be trustworthy. I still care about people though, just don't want to be involved. I just like watching from the outside.