Okay, so I'm having trouble deciding things lately. Normally I wouldn't even write about it, but this time it's really hard. I'm used to guys cheating on me, and forcing me to break up with them, but this time it's different. This time I have a completely wonderful guy who thinks only of me. He's great when it comes to being all about me. The problem is, he is lacking some serious motivation towards life. He sits at home and does nothing all day. He looks for work once a week and never calls the places back to show an effort.
When I bring these things up to him, there's always an excuse. I just don't know if I can take the excuses anymore.
That's not even the whole issue either. There's other things that would make our transition into living together really hard. I am not at liberty to say what these things are, not even in my journal. But let's just say... there are some extreme difficulties. One of which I am afraid will jeopardize my family situation the way it is now. I don't know if my selfishness is worth it. I say my selfishness because I do love him and want to be with him.
Then his life in general is filled with complexities, that seem to be only getting worse. True, they do not directly effect me, but in the long run they do. The issues upset him, and I have to be the only one to try and lift him up. I think in a round about way, I am saying that it's becoming mentally draining. I have tons of issues myself that I have to deal with, and this added to it is putting me over the edge.
I have been in deep thought about this for more than a week now, almost two. The final thought that I"ve come up with is that I need to make a decision. I need to figure out if I will be better off loving him and keeping him close through all of this, with all of the very real possibilities of the outcome... or do I let him go and remain his friend only and work on my life and continue to try and better myself. I would never abandon him... that's just not in me. I'm so confused, but I need to decide soon.
[img:669df3d9e2]http://i363.photobucket.com/albums/oo76/vampire_unlimited/Sealcopy.jpg[/img:669df3d9e2]
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 Twisted Serenade xD · Mon May 24, 2010 @ 05:40pm · 0 Comments |
