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Well, this is over a week old by now, but it still has meaning. i was very, very drunk when i wrote this.
What's wrong, What's right I don't care when I hate my life What's wrong, What's right y'know people don't care when they hate their life but how can I explain personal pain how can I explain personal pain how can I explain my voice is in vain
--- The Violet Femmes "Gimme The Car"---
This made alot of sense to me like 20 seconds ago. I cant explain it all now I have no sense of good and evil, they just dont exist in my simple world. I do what i do without a thought of consequences or reactions, only the moment. I do. im not suicidal. i just dont agree with whats been going on with me, and what has happened all my life. Its not cool. at all. I just dont care. Ive got a few great awesome amazing things, but, yeah. its not enough to make me want to get excited and dance around. But, i cant explain all of it, I cant even tell my story to those i want to. They just wouldnt comprehend, or, itll seem like a compatition, the moment i chose to voice my opinon of my life, and my disgust at its so far.
Isnt that what your supposed to do? Reach out? Tell someone? Get help? But no, no. I'm the inconsiderate ********, who just wants to wallow in his self misery, and open old wounds. Oh wait. Didnt i express my worry in a million different ways, subtely or bluntly, i voiced it. But, i was only talking to my self apparently, because i never got a response. Maybe my head was too far up my a**, or you where up to high on your Teen Angst Xtreme throne. ******** you. Lets be friends, lets flirt. lets dream. lets hurt more. ********. Friend. ********. But I'll stay single forever, and pretend it has nothing to do with you. Likewise. Die.Hate. ********. You. [link]. Die. ********. Get the ******** out of my mind you emo whore!
MD, you and me where talkingabout art changing over the years. Your absolutley right mate. My taste in music, activities, mediums, style, everything. Its all slowly built up, maturing waiting, and finally over these last few weeks, I've reached the apex, and it is ******** glorious. I wish, that there was some way to get this s**t online. It is honestly amazing. I'm usually not one to express liking towards any of my work. I usually fret and express disgust. But this just rocks.
Wait. What? I'm over you? Oh s**t. I've been so ******** up, that ive realized that the longer i stayed attached with all this false bullshit, that its going to hurt alot worse down the road. Maybe i'll cut myself free from your puppet strings, you b***h.
I've managed to convince myself that i have MPD, (multiple personality disorder skitzophrenia), as well as being Bi-polar. And suprinsgly its all legitamite.
William = Funny, creative, witty, insightful, relativtly smart, confident. Fraser= Creative, depressing, needy, shy, withdrawn, sarcastic.
I could explain more in detail, but, it just wouldnt make sense, and I'd have to tell a great deal about myself, and that, is not todays story. or any otherdays. mk. Lately i've been going as William, and being very drunk, high, and content with it. I just really dont care, and its filling in the place of all the sadness and pain of being Fraser. Its great.
********! You! Liar! Demon! Temptress!
hey dad speaking of driving come on dad gimme the car tonight so much he don't understand just might never make it to a man Come on dad gimme the car ---More of the same Song =] -----
Father. ******** you. for ever thing you have ever done, the s**t i tried to forget, and the s**t that you continue to do now, and undoubtly your old and decript and cant remember where your medication went. Hopefully Ill stress you out enough that you get there sooner
Oh wait. you cause me stress too jackass. How the ******** can i ever live up to you. Youve done so much, and i used to ******** admire you. probablly when i was stupid enough to try and forget what you used to to and say to me. I wanted you to be proud Not much left of that now is there. youve just reached out and ******** with my life again, and attempt to shower me with bribery and material comfort. ******** you. a**. ********.
I'm 17, and i have grey hairs. ******** you. all.
I hate not saying Goodbye. Hello. Love. Scars on tounge from words not said. Whore.
Goodbye the most. Sorry the greater. Regret always. Goodbye the least. Cut you away too. Go to sleep my little timebomb. It must have been the bird.
Love=music. Listen to God Loves Ugly- Atmosphere. That song has got my covered. And i just made you listen to hip-hop. word.
For those of you who know me, well. This isnt aimed at who you would think it might be about. Some of it, maybe. not alot of it though. The one trueley good thing to come out of my parents divorce, is that everytime i move, i could start a new life. so many different choices. Maybe it was just to make me who i am today. Maybe im just a mental wreck. who knows.
One life, got filled with too many regrets. Luckily i moved. That life had died along with another.
One life, has been filled with questions, thoughts, brooding. I still imagine play that role
Another. well. im not done with it yet. I want to be, but im not. Physically i cant go, mentally i'm there, emotions are whats going to keep me around
Does that make me the emo whore?
So. Im going to read this again when ive sobered up. then ill respond to any questions you have.
Cheers mother ********. To those who know they have my love. heres some more. By chance someone who i want to see dead see this. Start running
-Non[Stop]Disco- · Sun Mar 19, 2006 @ 01:47am · 0 Comments |
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