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And here it starts...
So. I'm uber excited to start this journal. Never had one before, here or in real life. You'll learn alot about from this. Not sure where t start though...
Ah. Might aswell give everyone a quick rundown of my childhood. may get emotional.
My childhood was pretty sweet until I was sixish. then it all went to s**t.
My grandfather's best friend decided that repeatedly molesting me would be fun. he soon moved on to other girls in the neighborhood, but I was his main focus.
It went on until I was 9. Then, when my mom was teaching me about good touch, bad touch, I realized what the hell was wrong. I was young. too young to understand that there was a reason for my discomfort when he touched me.
So, mom wanted to call the police. the rest of my lovely family ganged up on her to convince her not too. I have a very secretive, image obssessed family. They'd rather have a good rep than have me be safe. but what evs.
So, I stopped going off alone with him. but it didn't stop there. whenever the sick b*****d got the chance, he's tell me about nasty dreams he had about me, and what he wanted to do to me. always when my rents were out of ear shot.
that went on till i was eleven. finally told my mom, who promtly called the cops. long story short, he ended up killing himself. ******** coward.
3 weeks before that happened, my best friend in the world, my loving grandma, died of liver cancer. I was heart broken.
then. to top it all off. I got my period for the first time. december 11th. i was like "wtf?!"
grandpa became a drunk and started yelling at us whenever we visited.
rents started fighting. almost divorced.
so ya. I was in counceleing and still am. I have anger issues, nightmares, panic attacks, and flash backs.
fun
So. I'm 15 now. doing well ish. Having attractions towards guys AND girls. big shocker. parents are still together, grandpa got sober. ish. still have memories. still depressed. Still struggling with my fatness.
Stress is no fun.
Heres a wishlist that might help you understand.
I wish...
-I could go back in time, chop the bastards balls off myself, and throw him in a jail cell to rot
-I had control of my own emotions
-I wasn't so fat
-I wasn't so pressured to do well in school
-my bestie didn't die
-my father would hug me. hasn't touched me since I was 4.
I wish I understood what the ******** was happening to me.
sixteen :: poet :: bi-sexual  |
