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Am I mean to people? Do I upset or anger the inhabitants of the world? Am I worth anything to my friends? I just want to know, because it seems like when I give friends and loved ones...you know, friendly gestures, it seems like only my family gives love back in return. I can just sit back and watch my friends be happy and make their friends happy. Yeah, I can do that. I can even put a smile on my face about the whole thing and make you forget for one second, for one sticking iota, how truly broken hearted or pissed off I really am. I mean really? REALLY? How hard is it to tell me the simple things in life like, 'I'm not really your friend, only in school.' 'I don't reeaally like you. So I won't invite you to anything even though you always remember to invite me.' I just want to know, am I a bad person? Who for once in her whole damned life doesn't fricking deserve kindness back for that which I have already given? Trust me, I don't want to complain about friends. About family. About all the damn things that I so stupidly did in my life. About the people I thought I could trust. About the people I gave full attention and loyalty to. Believe me, I don't want to go on or complain about that crap. But to be honest, I really wish that sometimes my friends made me feel like I was something in their lives. That I was more than a grain of sand to be stepped on and over again and again.


P.S. I just, for once in my life, ask one thing. I would like to be appreciated by my friends for what I've done and will continue to do for them. And if you are a friend of mine and are reading this, you better damn well understand what I'm talking about. Because don't believe for a second that this little ol' heart of mine, can't darken with hate and the unforgiving waves of emotion and feelings.


-LD