For this I most thank you all . . . so now lets begin.
Last time we talks I talk was kind of bad but no matter but who knows let say I'm losing myself nor my reflection to be honest. It's kind of hard to say in both side of the story but I feel like I'm drifting. Okay look I'll try and explain what i mean. I'm guessing it's my illness don't know I talked about it but right now it's not the time really all I can say it's annoying I keep forgetting that my life as I know isn't a lie and it's real I kind of had a fight about this on tinychat but it's like a meltdown of some kind? Like say you're right here right but then you remember something in the past but it''s nothing bad something about yesterday right but then you start thinking why are you here and how far did I just go? then here the part that annoys me but I feel like i was drifting from reality and seeing as what it really is... nothing. I feel like this for some reason but I hate it and it scares me. I know some of you might know what I'm talking nor think I'm crazy ether way makes me think too much. I been having this for while very long while even at work but like I said it's pretty hard to explain but it's annoying to me... even it happen the other night when me and friend were eating at 24 hour burger place. It was Thursday night really even if you saw my thread about the roach then you know what happen. . . gross
Then lets talk about the soreness and the hurt I got but lets start with the snoreness...
Soreness: I got a tv that pretty big and heavy I hurt myself putting in my room but I had no help and my arms, legs and back hurt I think I might of broke a finger but at the time I bought this game called "biohazard: umbrella chronicles" it was fun but made Darkside look easy but the problem about that game was it was damage... sad isn't
The hurt: I hate doing this but I kind of got hurt with someone we were talking but he said something that kind of wasn't well.. you know... beyond the line and it kind of made me cry he was like sorry but I wanted to slap him. he stare at me as i kind did a childish look and started tearing. If youre asking what it's what happen in school waaay back and what happen but I try to make a joke about it but thinking about it now I kind dont like the thought even with the whole um... bear thing. because what happen to me but i dont think i should care i know he sorry but it was low blow really and i really hurt not too hurt about someone drawing my avi and shows me some legit sample and turn out its crap but eh what can i do...
okay I think I should talk about my special day. I just turn 21 yesterday as it April the 2nd some of you guys that told me happy birthday I really thank you even I know I'm not as cool like some cb'er that kind had lots of named drop or people that gave a down about but I do say thank you really. If you're asking what I did I kind had a surprise party. It was dinner but turn out it was a party with friends and some family and friend family. It was great really even with the food was great and it made me think that this whole time I wasnt that alone. they gave me money but I kind of didn't want it but they just say keep it. i'm not the type that liked gifts even some people did gave me gifts i spoke to some old friends and family members but over all it was fine.
just wish you guy were there too. i dont know why but i'm starting to feel less torn then normal thinking about it but I guess it happen right.
so far this is all that happen in the past nor last entry. i know some of you guys to care and some that are reading this doesnt but i guess it happens. but i think the cutest gift I got is this sign
I hope everything well turn out for the best even I had a dream about this one cb'er and he was very disappointed with me. I hope it doesn't happen like what happen in the dream but I don't think it matters anyway Thank you for reading
~Ayame
Community Member