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Dear Sophia,

You are a such a thoughtless person. You treat your friends like they are nothing and then you never apologize for any of it, and most of the time it’s your fault. You are heartless, you don’t care about your friends the way you should. There is a standard for how you treat your friends, and you’re way below it. Do you ever stop to think that something you did was wrong? In the moment that you did the wrong? If you do, do you think that you should apologize? Would you apologize? Is that word even in the ‘Sophia’ dictionary? ‘Sorry’? Does it have meaning to you? Any at all? From what I see, the word ‘sorry’ has lost its meaning just about as much as – or more – the word love.

You are indeed very immature; you act like a snobby little child whenever anyone doesn’t give you the response you want, or when they’re critiquing you – when you asked people to do so. You just bite their heads off in the comments and then hide the chain so it looks like you’re still the same innocent little girl you try to portray. Which I should say is quite different from the way that you like to show yourself off at school anyways. >.> That’s not getting you anywhere. You’re trying to get the people on the internet to see how amazingly nice you are, and it’s a complete and total lie. You’re fooling everyone and when the truth comes out you’re going to have no friends left.

I don’t understand how you think that you’ve done nothing wrong, when you specifically begged/whined to me that you did feel guilty for telling Taylor what you did. You know, you’re very contradictory Hun. You just don’t seem to get it, how bad you’ve messed up, how irreparable it is, you’re living in your day dreams. When you wake up to reality, and you realize all the wrongs you’ve done … well not only are you not going to have any friends left, but you’re going to feel absolutely awful. I did at one point want to help you out, to prepare you for when that day would come, but you’ve just pushed me away for so long and so harshly … well, there’s not a drop of blood left in me that wants to help you.

You think it hurt to be yelled at by me? Well try being oppressed and bullied by the person who once gave you confidence in yourself. Try having one of the closest and longest friend of yours treat you and your other friends like s**t for no reason other than they’re just a big mean bully. Trust me when I say you deserve more than this letter and what I said to you on Friday, it’s the honest to God truth. If you don’t believe that you’ve treated us like s**t and don’t believe that you’ve done anything wrong, well, look back at all those angry notes you sent to your friends – the people who are there for you, even when you push them away.

I have my reasons, I do, I can list them, write them down for you, post them on the internet where they can’t be removed. I have legitimate reasons to yell at you, to at least tell you to back off. Friends are supposed to support each other, laugh with each other, but it seems like the only thing you do with your friends is treat them like s**t and oppress and bully them without reason. You and I and Taylor used to be this awesome little trio, when did it start to change? Seventh grade? I think so. That was back when me and Taylor didn’t express our opinions very easily; speak our minds or something akin. Back then you were being rude on and off to people, including us – but we didn’t mention anything because we were too scared to. At first it started out with us all saying (or not saying) certain things. But by eighth grade you were pretty much being blatantly rude to people and Taylor and I started to be able to speak our minds a little bit more, especially when we were together – we were the same type of people so when we hung out we felt more confidant.

We would pull you aside for a short chat and talk about something we felt was rude of you or something or other. Eighth grade had its problems, but I think that that was when things started to really go downhill and we lost you. Freshman year was tough, it was a new place, new people, new experiences, and we were handled differently and were expected to act differently and more maturely. Looking at everything now, the beginning of freshman year was the last time to ‘bring you back’ or ‘save you’ or ‘save our friendship’. And now that’s long gone, over a year ago.

Freshman year was when you noticed sub-consciously that both Taylor and I were drifting away from you. And that’s when you made decisions that affect us to this day. When Taylor made friends with Markell you made it seem like Taylor was purposefully avoiding you; that’s how you acted about it. And the best course of action you could think of was … ignoring her? What? How did you come up with that little theory? And what made you think that it would solve your problems? I know I’m dragging things up from the past, but this needs to be talked about.

Taylor talked to you, maybe two weeks after you started to ignore her, and told her something akin to ‘You were shunning/ignoring me.’ Seriously, how did you come to that? Another thing is that you jump the gun and assume that people are going against you in one form or another. How did your brain get wired to do that? I mean really. Not only do you not trust people, but you’re also not trustworthy.

Is the only way to get you to realize something is to write it down and have you read it? That’s really very sad because it’s hard to get emotions out very well on paper; that’s why I had that ‘talk’ with you, to get the emotions out, but apparently the only emotions you care about are your own. The way it’s going, I don’t think you’d remotely care about how your mother felt about something, unless she was agreeing with you. It’s either your way or the highway with you Sophia. That’s not how it’s supposed to be in relationships. Healthy relationships are give and take, but all you do it take and hardly – if ever – give.

It’s not healthy for me to be in a relationship with you, it’s not healthy for Taylor to be in a relationship with you. As far as I can see, it’s not healthy for a lot or most people to have a relationship with you. You’re not fair, although may have been so once a long time ago – long before Taylor or I met you. But the person you are now and the person you’ve become is something that we cannot deal with. And since you are not willing to change yourself to continue on our friendship (which is pretty much in shambles now) like both Taylor and I have, the friendship will not continue.

Taylor and I changed ourselves to conform to your ideals, to not step on your toes, to not worry you or stress you. All we have done throughout the relationship was for you, and now we’ve realized (I more strongly at this point) that not only should we have not done that in the first place, but we cannot continue to do it now. Now is a very important time in our lives when we make a statement out of ourselves and solidify who we are as a person, where we set our standards and where we carve out our thinking patterns. If you stay the way you are … well from what I can tell, you’re going to have a hard time in the world when you go out there. You’re going to have a damn hard time.

I no longer feel like I have a responsibility to you, which is sad and does hurt me. I’ve always had someone to watch and take care of, someone to mother. Yes, unfortunately you hate that side of me, but it made me feel more comfortable, it gave me a reason to smile through the days. Because it made me responsible. Something you have never experienced, and likely never will unless you have some sort of revelation, and even then, I’m afraid you won’t experience it too much due to your thick head. Now I’m not quite sure why my mothering attitude to you bothered you so much; is it because your mother never really raised you?

Because I’m teaching (more like trying to teach) you to control yourself? Is it something so completely new that you don’t know what to do with it, and then you immediately fall into your ‘Angry at the World’ mood/mode? I don’t even know, at this point it doesn’t particularly matter anymore, forget that I mentioned that.

I’m not sure what else to write at this point, is there anything else that I haven’t explained in person? I don’t know, hah, there goes my line again. Heh, is it even worth it to type out anymore? Was it even worth it to waste this space on the computer? I can’t tell, because even this may not get to you. What will? Will there ever be anything that will get to you? I don’t know … I can’t answer that, I’m not you. I guess I’ll shut-up now; no point is wasting more memory space on the hard-drive with something as useless as this. Well, this is the final goodbye; I wish it had been in person. But that’s not meant to be.

The Mirror on the Wall,
Ruth

P.S. Feel free to leave comments of any emotions.