Welcome to Gaia! :: View User's Journal | Gaia Journals

So obviously I failed-- otherwise I wouldn't be typing here there'd b no point if I passes. Just adds more sadness into my life. 'Im 18 I want a job and to do half the things I want I want to drive. I feel bad that my parents have to drive me around.

So what happened was I got through the parallel parking- somehow i had enough time to try twice---- but i failed at the back in part. I was in but as I was backing up my mirror hit the cone........so I thought I was in so I wasn't looking much. I was mostly checking the back so I wouldn't hit the curb. But no my mirror had to hit the cone...

So I feel like something like that will always happen. Like I'll fail every time. I have more than enough hours I just randomly messed up there. Chances are next time I won't have enough time to parallel correctly. I can just mess up over and over again and never get my license.

Reminds me of math. Half the time I know how to solve the problem but I make a small error and screw the whole problem up.Other half I don't have enough time to finish. Like at my stat/prob final I got a D on the second half because I had two pages left but didn't have enough time. Which is strange because my teacher gave me extra time the first half of the final-- so I thought I would get more time and not get a D. I know I would have gotton at least a B if he let me finish. But no I took my sweet time. I stayed slow so I wouldn't mess up.

I don't think they should time you on parking--------as long as you don't hit any cones you should be alright. Although I did hit a cone so either way I would fail. Everyone kept saying your going to be nervous the first time. Well its not sex I wasn't nervous about a drivers test.

My mom kept screaming at me on the way there because I would defend myself when I make a mistake as I was driving up there. You know that feeling in your throat when you hold things in and feel like possibly your going to cry--- yeah I didn't feel that when my mom was yelling at me but I do feel that now.

Im writing everything now I'm not talking. My throat feels all choked up right now- makes me sad. This is a long journal I don't think I normally make them this long.

Think I'll keep messing up randomly- like I always run into things on the stairs and we have some tight-ish hallways so I run into things a lot there.

I don't really got much of a life nor do I know what to do with it so yeah I feel like a failure. So failing my test doesn't really make me feel too much worse. But its a reminder that I cant do anything correctly the first time. Just once I wish I could do something right the first time. Cuz then-- if I mess up later it wont matter because I succeeded the first time.

Yeah this is a really long journal I'm going to stop typing and try not to cry as I try to sleep. I better be able to sleep because I get mad when I don't sleep after two hours of laying down doing nothing. Cuz at that point I'll most likely cry...right too long of a journal sorry. If you read all this wow your awesome for reading this crap. My crap.