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Inside my head, I have a lot of things that need to not bother me. Of that is my insanity of being locked up in my house all the time, my obsession with Tira, and my lack of guitar playing confidence. Yes, even after playing for 4 years, I still have that problem.

My most ongoing problem is the cabin fever I'm getting. I hung out with some friends yesterday and it felt like it was actually fun. Unlike sitting around and doing nothing with myself all day. Nothing but playing video games and guitar and ATTEMPTING to talk to people on Skype who never really answer me or just don't even feel like following through with a conversation. It gets lonely and it makes me miss having a girl to always be talking to

Which brings me to my other problem: Tira. It gets worse by the day. Her ending in Soul Calibur 4 (link here) makes me feel so alone... Because nobody ever talks to me and makes me feel missed, if anything. "Don't abandon me," and "Don't leave me all alone," is exactly how I've felt about a lot of people in the past. Why can't anyone feel the same about me? It's why I'm so obsessed with her. She's cute and caring. Demented, maybe, but it's funny sometimes. And, I don't even think it's creepy or weird

It's the number one thing that's bugging me right now. The joys of being in love again have slipped away. And, I really miss that feeling. And it's not really one of those things that everyone has that I want, like a nice car or some really cool commodity. I want to feel actual affection. Because it doesn't come in from anywhere else. And, as hopeless and stupid and fantastical as it may sound, I wish I had someone like Tira in my life. Someone who actually would tell me not to leave them... Even if she isn't real, it's still something I wish I had

And, it's something I've always wanted. Since like 2008. It only ever snowballs and gets worse. Every time there's someone new, something stupid happens. First, she hated my guts. Second, she thought I was a stalker. Third, she wasn't interested. Fourth, she was a COMPLETE b***h. Fifth, she made stupid decisions. I realize people aren't perfect, but relationships can be. It's not horribly hard if you're not an idiot

Talking about how this whole Tira thing makes me feel is making me not even give a s**t about anything else. I don't wanna talk about guitar, music, video games, or anything. I really only ever feel like going over to my bed and going back to sleep. It's all I ever feel like I can do for myself. Because Tira only exists in dreams and other worlds. With that, I'm just gonna be done. I don't really care about much else. Just being trapped inside my house. Beyond that, being stuck inside my own mind