I have been thinking a lot lately about the way I use to play on here, and I can honestly say that I miss it. The drama, the suspense, the underlying tones of deceit that I carried with me wherever I went. Most refer to me as a drama junkie, partially because my need for the overly done can never seem to be satisfied. Do I find this to be insulting? Not in the least. I can go through pages upon pages of my writing with others and be so enraptured by it that I get lost for hours. I truly wish I could rewind time and better enjoy the moments I shared with those closest to me and my characters. Nowadays, things aren't the same. No matter how hard I try to make them, something just doesn't seem to fit. Whether it be the way people act, or the way they write, I have become too spoiled on the talents of those I had once immersed myself into. *Sighs* I suppose I have no one to blame but myself, since I am the one that pulled away from so many of them. Though, most of my reasoning behind the actions I have made are a result of life and responsibilities getting in the way.
*Waves a hand at all of that* Excuses, excuses, that's all I seem to have. I want so much more than I am willing to give in return. Does that make me foolish? Probably. Does it make me a hypocrite? Most definitely. I wish I had my Wolf, the one true person left within the world I have created on here. Even he sees me differently now, and that is of my doing as well. I want to be the me I was before, so carefree and unafraid of the thoughts and words of others. *Sighs* I suppose that is the flaw in life, always craving that which you can never have again.
*Runs a hand through her hair and sighs yet again* This could all be nothing more than the ramblings of a tired mind, but I had to get it out. Ignoring my desires has left this gnawing feeling within me, as if it is eating me alive and I am doing nothing to stop it. No matter how I try and fix it, to satiate the frenzy within me, it does nothing to halt the rapidly growing feast it has turned me into. It doesn't help that I have become envious of faceless women and men that have taken over the role I once played so seamlessly. I suppose I will just have to live with my consequences and play on with what I have and not what I want. Life, in all it's twisted glory, shall allow me no less. Sleep well, readers and writers of this world, and may you all dream sweetly. *Kisses*
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The workings of a rather strange mind...
Within this journal, I have a tendency to ramble and I won't apologize for it. My thoughts, feelings, everything that I am exists within all of these words. If you don't like them, feel free to not read them. They aren't for you, they're for me.
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