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It's time for another one of Nocturne's Bad Fanfics!

Purple Hearts: The Kingdom Hearts Crew Does Red vs. Blue
Disclaimer (Wow, haven't done one of these in a while)... I do not own Kingdom Hearts or Red vs. Blue. Those belong to Square/Disney and Rooster Teeth, respectively.

Episode One: Why Are We Here?

Riku: Hey.
Sora: Yeah?
Riku: You ever wonder why we're here?
Sora: Well, that's one of life's great mysteries, isn't it? Why are we here? Are we the product of some cosmic coincidence, or is there really someone watching everything... y'know, with a plan for us and stuff. I dunno, man, but it keeps me up at night.
Riku: No, I mean, why are we here on this island?
Sora: Oh, um...
Riku: What's all that other stuff?
Sora: Nothing.
Riku: You wanna talk about it?
Sora: No.
Riku: You sure?
Sora: Yeah.
Riku: I mean, as far as I can tell, it's just a big island in the middle of nowhere. If Kairi hadn't come here, we wouldn't know what's out there. And we won't find out what's out there as long as we stay here.
Sora: Um... yeah. That's 'cause there are other worlds out there.
Riku: No, but I mean, we could have easily ended up somewhere else, and it would still be just a big island in the middle of nowhere. Whoop-dee-doo.
Sora: What's with that, anyway? I signed on to co-star with Cloud, Sephiroth, and Squall. Next thing I know, they're giving some boy-band guy the role of the greatest villain of all time, and I'm voiced by someone who sounds like a girl!

-Meanwhile-

Jafar: What are they doing?
Maleficent: What?
Jafar: I said, what are they doing now?
Maleficent: I am getting so sick of answering that question!
Jafar: Hey, you're the one who's watching them. Don't complain at me because I'm not going to sit up here and play Tetris all day.
Maleficent: Okay, look, they're just standing there and talking. That's all they ever do, just stand there and talk. That's what they were doing last week, and it's what they were doing when you asked me five minutes ago. So, five minutes from now, when you ask me, "What are they doing?", my answer's gonna be, "They're still just talking, and they're still just standing there."
Jafar: What are they talking about?
Maleficent: Y'know what... I hate you.

-Mean-meanwhile...-

Sora: Talk about a waste of resources. We should be finding voice actors that people actually respect... you know, hire them.
Riku: Yeah, that's why they should put us in charge.
Kairi: Sora, Riku, front and center!
Sora: Darn it.
Riku: Yes, ma'am!