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Oh man! What a crazy past 3 weeks! @w@ It's madness! I feel like I can't trust anyone anymore because no one understands me. Is it so much to be left alone every once and a while? But...what if you're so used to being alone that...you don't want it to change. Then, when you really are alone in the worst of situations, what happens then? You want someone there right? But what if that could never be? I know that's how I feel. I just don't want people waisting their lives on just me. I can't stand that! I want everyone else in the world to be happy but in order for me to do that...I have to......give up my own happiness. And sometimes, like Friday last week, it hurt to be all alone and sad. And that's when I realized that well...I need someone who can be serious at the right time yet, funny in between. And when I'm scared or sad, he'll just hold me, being my shield from the darkness that's trying to consume me. And he can't always think about me either! He has to focus on what he's doing!! But when I'm with him...he can just sit there for all I care as long as I know that he truly loves me. And I only want him to say it a few times around cause then I'll know if he's faking or not. Cause my friends do that, and I know they don't love me the way they think I do. I always see these things happening around me but I guess what I'm trying to say is...I'm afraid. Very afraid and I really want it to stop! I don't want to hurt on the inside yet smile on the outside anymore! But, around my friends, I have to smile or I'll be outcasted and forgotten. I don't want that. I want to be free of this feeling so I can truly live life to the fullest and have fun doing it!! <3 -tell me what you think! ~Brii ^w^
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