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I really do hate my life.

I sorta thought Shadow was kidding with me, but he's not, and I don't see now why I was ever his friend to be honest. I've been nothing but kind, attentive, and supportive of him. I went through all that ******** s**t with his bitching mom just for a week later to have him say I cause to much trouble and he doesn't want to 'deal with me' anymore.

stare The freaky a** s**t this stuck up ego driven little b*****d put me throught and I cause HIM to much trouble?!?! Thats ******** bullshit.

All this because stupid a** Brandon wants to ******** lie. Because that poser wants to say I ignore him and suddenly I'm the ******** bad guy. Just because I don't sit under his ******** a** and talk to him like I do with Shadow doesn't mean he has to be a ******** b***h and do all this. See, this is what the ******** I get for talking to people. This is what the ******** I get for trying to make some freinds.

To be honest, I think this has to do with a past issue. I used to be Brandon's 'net girlfriend', a few months back. Brandon never got online and never tried to talk to me, so we broke up. Shadow, on the other hand, is always online and always talking to me;so of course I take the guy who actually show's he cared a bit for me. For some reason when your best friend takes your ex-girl I KNOW that builds some sort of tension. Perhaps thats what this is?

Yet it doesn't matter. No matter what I said to Shadow he just keeps saying this is my fault. He keeps sayin he knows Brandon would never make up something like this,. stare Brandon never even tries to hang out with Shadow, I spend more time with him than Brandon does. This seems like a ploy to get back at me. ******** immature bastards.

Everyone is messing with Shadow's head. Tellin him mixed s**t and confusing him. I know I contribute to it, but I actually want to help him. He lets himself be used by so many people...I don't want to see my friend hurt by anyone...but he just doesn't want to hear what I have to say...and now I'm the bad guy?

I hurt now, I want to cry and break things. But I'm babysitting now so I can't...

I have no one to talk to either....Kevin is at work and so is Onii-san. After Shadow, they are all I have. Icey-sama doesn't get on Gaia much anymore, and Joker is off to raise money for this quest...

So I can't talk to anyone...all these feelings are swelling over inside me. I want to scream my brain off and pull my hair out.

******** Shadow is probably playing retarded a** ROM's. WHen I got off Yahoo he was like 'I need to sort things out in my head'...when I get back online to text Kev so it won't cost my phone, hes happy and ******** content...

Nobody cares about me...and I am sorry to do this...but I hurt so much right now...if I just cut myself alittle bit it will make all this emotional pain go away....