Unknown siad:
Okay, hold everything. I am a fellow fanfic writer as of six years, seven coming up after summer. As a reader, I can only tell you I did not enjoy this story. It's clumped up for one, your OC is a bit... well, of a mary sue for two... And third, you're putting more emphasis on Alexia than on the other characters.
As a writer, however, I can help you. You need a BETA reader, for one. Someone to read the story before you post it, do spell checking, and fix grammatical errors. They also help to establish where some things aren't spelled out quite right. That's my first piece of advice.
Second piece of advice, the 'chapters', such that they are, are too short. The SHORTEST you want a chapter to be is 8-10 KB on Notepad. Notice I said NOTEPAD, because Wordpad and other writing programs' formats take up more space. This allows for more space in the chapter to draw things out and keep the reader riveted. No reader likes chapters that are more like one or two PARAGRAPHS. That's not a chapter.
Third piece of advice, try not to put too much emphasis on your OCs when the story is NOT about them. Plus, try to use a little something called character development. Most readers want to see the characters grow and change into someone they can relate to. Development of a character is one of the most important things a writer must deal with, whether writing a book or a fanfic.
As a writer, I can give you an A for effort, since you obviously tried hard, and you're not that experienced.
As a reader, though, I have to give you a failing grade. This story is not enjoyable yet. Note, YET. With a rewrite, and lengthening of the chapters, you might yet be able to pull this through.
Best of luck.
