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The 9 to 5 job, the husband/wife with 2/3/however many kids, the big suburban home, making it big $$$. It's all crap. What the hell am I suppose to look forward to; Becoming a slave to the system, because that's what it is. So you kick your a** in school, what ever you decide to do (law, medicine, politics, engineering) and then succumb to a crummy job working in an office, lab, cubical from 9 to 5 if your lucky. and this is considered posh. And you can't not do this because if you don't you not only going to become a slave to the system you become it's b***h. you end up working your a** off harder than you would have to otherwise only to pay for your crummy apt./house/trailer (minimum wage hurts). Anyway, even if you like your job at first (which is rare) you'll probably end up hating it (and if you don't that's even more rare).

I'm mentally and emotionally exhausted and I haven't the energy to push my self forward. . .no that's not it. . . I'm losing the drive to move forward. I'm simply unmotivated. to be honest, I don't care all that much were I go right now. It doesn't matter whether I go to Stanford, MIT, Berkly, UCLA, UCSD. well, as long as its not state. I don't really care. I've been making myself care for the past year and it's gotten me pretty far so I just need to figure out how to motivate myself to do well. It is hard though when everything points to you going somewhere you don't want to. Becoming an engineer is all fine and dandy, BUT WHY DOES IT HAVE TO BE CIVIL! It's difficult motivating myself when I'm just going to be a civil engineer. It's not that I think civil engineering is horrible in it of itself, I think it would be easy and I would have no problem with it, but it's JUST SO BORING. there aren't any interesting structures being built anymore. the last really great structure was probably the golden gate bridge and lets face it, it's not that impressive. nothing like the ancient structures, the Colosseum, the Mayan/Aztec structures, the pyramids or Egypt, the great cathedrals, the roman aqueducts. these are all really impressive structures especially for the time in which they were built. Sure there are the sky scrapers, but I fail to see how building a gigantic box is impressive and there are already so many of them already(it takes away from the novelty). DAMN IT I need some motivation aside from giant boxes. Oh and on top of that I'll probably just end up building roads dams and bridges. so exciting. THEY BETTER BE SOME ******** AWESOME BRIDGES IF I HAVE TO WAIST MY TIME BUILDING THEM!. . .sigh.

Well, I better find some motivation soon because class commences on Monday and it's not getting any easier.