What's the point of a journal or diary? It's a place where people can express their innermost thoughts, emotions, and views. Strange how journals are usually used by people who only write about morbid things.. Why not let yourself write about the good things in your life? Because those aren't the things that haunt a person's mind. People need a place where they can expose themselves to.. well, themselves, or even other people. I guess it's about my time to do this.
Well, good things and information about myself. Interests, etc.. Not like anyone here cares about crappy knowledge about me like that, but.. sucks for them. I'm a huge videogame/anime/manga freak. My favourite animes are Wolf's Rain and .hack//Sign, mangas are Petshop of Horrors and Excel Saga, videogames are Super Smash Bros. Melee and Soul Calibur II for Gamecube. I also absolutely love animals. Rats and wolves are the best, although I like all other animals - spiders I can tolerate, but... definitely not my favourites. -Shudder- Hmm.. My favourite tv show is Friends.. too bad it had to end. Shall miss. Music.. I generally listen to soft rock, though I do like Blink 182 a bit. Joe Hisaishi is awesome too. Soundtracks to Spirited Away and Princess Mononoke.. -Drool- But I digress (Great word!). I love Nintendo and am a loyal fan..Yes, I still play the Pokemon games, and I'm proud. I think it's stupid that people think that the series is old news.. Peh. But that's another entry. Well, now that all of this useless information is out of the way.. time for more. I warn you, either be bored to death or.. well, interested. Doubt anyone would be interested in me, though. Oh well.
Here is where we delve in deeper to my mind and heart. I have just recently realized that I am, in fact, bisexual. Not that I waltz up to random girls and start hitting on them.. Ew, no. But I don't have a certain preference in sexuality choice.. This opens up opportunities is all, as if anyone would be interested anyway. So yeah. Moving on. I've been told that I'm a realist, and I believe it. I don't believe in the whole "dance-around-and-play-with-emotions" deal as so many of us do. I think.. if you feel something about someone or something, then you need to share it. That's why I get my friends - online and IRL - to share things with me. But, hearing so many depressing words and seeing how upset people become causes me to feel depressed as well. Gaining so much knowledge about people's lives really brings me down, but I tend to cover my own feelings up and force others to continue sharing.. I know it's not good for me, but I want to do all I can to help the people I cherish. Heh. Here's where the writer is supposed to gain a little sympathy from the reader. Sometimes I feel like I just need a hug IRL.. But if I randomly hugged a family members they'd think I were high or something. So all I have is my dog, rat, and stuffed animals.. Occasionally, I suffer from long, horrible headaches that come back and stay for weeks at a time. I believe that these are caused by too much stress on my part for taking on loved ones' problems. They're withstandable, so I press on. I think that my nature is a very understanding one that really wishes to help people, but all it can do in comfort and nurture instead of give damned advice. I really want to help the ones I love more..
Bah..here come even deeper issues. I've made many good - no, great - friends online and off. I'll start with my online ones. I have a few of them who have been raped occasionally, and it causes me a lot of distress to be on this end and not be able to do anything. Hell, my two closest friends were thought to be pregnant at one time. But, one it had been an incorrect file, and the other..well, she lost the baby. I give my heartfelt sympathy to her because she seems to have really wanted to keep it. But life goes on.. In addition to the rape stuff, my friends have had broken hearts on and off. And when that happens, I wish to God that I could be beside them to comfort.. Alas (Heh, great word), it's not to be. I just..gah. To top it all off, when I realized my choice of sexuality, I also found that I had a crush on the aforementioned friend who lost the child. I was turned down, but it was okay - we're still great friends. Then.. I found out that the other previously mentioned friend had had a crush on me for a while. ME! I couldn't believe it. I developed feelings for her as well, so it stung when she started "going out" with a guy. Heh, I'm such a poor sod to be pursuing online people when I'm the type of person who always put down online relationships. I'm also the type of person who can't understand their own feelings.. I'm not sure if the feelings I have for her are of love or some blind thing.. It irritates me. But when she comes on.. I feel happy - incredibly happy - and all of my depression leaves me. When my first crush comes on, I feel happy too.. but not complete as I do in the presence of the other. I feel pathetic..
In real life, my life isn't quite as hectic, although there are conflicts happening among my close friends. My best friend and another friend are having issues, and I feel cramped in the middle. Best friend tells me that she only wants to make the other feel happy.. She's trying too hard, though. Turning gothic-like and stuff..Overly cheerful then depressive. But the other isn't free of faults either, oh no. She doesn't like how best friend is trying to change to please her, but she's also a little fickle. It seems as though she ignores her purposely so best friend will have to work for her attention. And she complains about her to me, which I don't especially like hearing. I don't know.. I hope that if either of them reads my rambling, they'll not hate me and try to work things out.. I don't enjoy speaking poorly of my friends, so I'm going to stop, seeing as how those two are the ones I'm most concerned about.
As you, the reader, can see, my mind has just been screaming to finally be exposed - it's about time, too. This has really calmed me down. I see now why people claim that writing helps.. I hope you've learned something about insignificant me. I don't care if nobody reads this.. I just needed to get it out. I actually find it funny.. People usually engross themselves in the computer to get away from events and crap that happens in their life. It's the other way around for me. Seems like I get myself into stressing situations online, and I need to retreat to the real world to recuperate. I'm so bad. I realize that I'm way too attached to the computer, but with all the people I've met, it makes me happy. My goal in life is to make others happy too, and it brightens my day to see them smile. Here I am, rambling again. Anywho, until my next ramblement! Tah-tah.
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I'll eat you
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