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when i thought it was over |
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hey people, well if any 1 ever reads this crap any way lol. Like Last week i said some wrong things 2 my boyfriend that i seriously mean... i didn't mean 2 hurt him nor make him feel distant from me but 2 make a long story short, i caused him heart ache and he really was messed up. at that point i messed up and i had no words 2 reverse what i said nor make him feel better. His mom said maybe he should let the relationship go if it hurts so bad and that he shouldnt put his heart out there (words similar 2 that, that he shouldnt put his heart out there 2 get broken. That night we talked about the situation (i know i leaving out parts but i don't wanna be typing 4 ever lol) any way we talked about the situation and i told him if im gonna keep makin him feel this way(which this was the 1st) then maybe we shouldn't b 2gether, i mean thats what i remember last because i feel asleep.
The next day i really thought it was over between us, cause when u look at it i hurt him with words and i couldn't replace that. i love him but if he's not happy wit me then he shouldn't be wit me. i still had this pain in my chest, u kno the pain u get when u feel really bad and its nothing u can do.....yeah that. so i went about myday trying not 2 let it effect me because i had gone 2 school and i needed 2 focus. i had this feeling as if i couldn't move on with out him even if i wanted u. Its like my soul stood still... why i say that is because, my X, goes 2 the same school as me,(tellin u about the past) he is a nice respectful person he still is but at the time the guy b4 him who broke my heart, i started c-ing him around alot like he'd pop up outta nowhere when i'd be just walkin down the street and it was hard that i even tried 2 move on so i just got depressed and paranoid that the guy i was wit would leave me 2, plus i was 2 years older than him. i was 16 about 2 b 17 and he was 15 so i just dumped him by a letter. so thats the breif past wit him now back when i said my soul stood still, i was goin 2 the bathroom and i seen him so i said hi and gave him a hug... he really was acting FLIRTY exclaim im like woa ok cuz, were actin mean 2 each other in a playful way, at the same time im about 2 go up stears and he gives me another hug and the at a aplit he kissed me on the neck...(im thinkin like WTH) and in a weirded out way i said wow u really miss me huh and he said yeah but u don't call mei said well i spend time talkin 2 my boyfriend, so he walked away wit his head down, the turned around and said ima ******** up up watch when u come back in a playful way, i just shook my head like wow, ok he's wi-len. No guy faises me honestly, like im so loyal 2 my boyfriend that wit out him or wit him, i still have no intrest in other guys no matter what they do because i love him that much and i respect him. now another incident that proved my loyalty was that this boy in my shop class always bother me in a playful way and in a flity way i ignore him and isolate myself from him cuz i find him 2 b an idiot honestly. so at close 2 the end of class, he came up behind me and put his arm over my neck and sat on my stole...he wanted me 2 sit on his lap exclaim eek , so i guess thats y my back sorta hurts cuz i wasnt sitting on his lap i had my back bent like an arc, he really tries 2 test me, so when he seen i wasn't gonna sit on him he let go, and then the bell ring and he was the 1st on out the class cuz i was gonna hurt him. i don't want my boyfriend 2 beat them up because u kno what things happen 4 a reason, it was ways 2 test my loyalty 2 him, cuz think about it he's not always gonna be there. both guys r not ugly even if they were the sexiest guys in n.y, 4 me 2 cheat or even if i wasn't with my boyfriend any more at the time..i just can't c my self touching another guy, its like i think i would almost die if i ever touched another guy other than my boyfriend unapropiately, i cant it's just not in me. no matter what those guys may do or say(example:tease) i only want 1 guy and thats the 1 im with, and i would never replace him, no matter how much he makes me mad lol. cuz all this teasing and crap only makes me stronger 2 keep my loyalty 4 him 4ever ^_^ 3nodding heart . but at the end of the school day my boyfriend came, i was a lil excited but also confusedat the same time cuz i thought it was over and that he would come2 throw it all in my face or something. i guess he really does love me cuz he came 2 c me and make things right i was touched with what he had 2 say and now we're moving on, 2gether like it should be blaugh looking 4ward and not lookin back heart
 ms.kisses8 · Sun Oct 01, 2006 @ 08:44am · 0 Comments |
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