wow, i havent done this like I said I would sweatdrop . oh well. ill try and do some every once and a while. lets me explain a few things that have been going on in me life.
one major thing is that I WAS engaged...but things happened and were not together anymore..which completly sucks becuase i still love him with all of my heart. it hurts to see him dating other people...I havent even been able to really talk to any guys... *hopes he doesnt read this..but if he does..she hopes he comments sweatdrop hopes this isnt to obvious*
one of my exs has told me that they still loved me...but i dont know if i love them. i mean..im way comfortable around them, but I guess thats becuase we dated for so long. and then I think i like (but not really love) one of my friends (not you jibby, dont worry xd )
just the other day...i found out from and old friend that one of my friends(chris) had shot themselves in the head... i dont wanna say much on this subject..because it still hurts to talk about it... but he always seemed so happy...I...i would have never guessed...but i guess that..a lot of people are like that...
and lately, our family has been having money problems...they are talking about selling the car and even moving again... i dont want to hear it anymore... i think life is even harder where i live now then it was back in washington. i mean, people carry knife around in there hands at school. even my good friend has a knife tied to her hip. only thing im thinking is " what the ******** am I doing here? Im gonna need a ******** knife myself!"
plus, im one of the few white chicks in this school. and i have little friends becuase of it. and the only good friends that i have a my spanish chica's and all the others are indians who treat me like dirt. i only have 2 or 3 good indian friends. they stick up for me by stoupting out all this jiberish to the people who are picking on me cause im white. seriously, a school like this can make a person prejudice. Im not saying that all indians are predujice, but at my school, it sure feels like it.
then theres the fact that my parents treat me like im nothing. if I cant live up to my brother, then i dont desereve to be treated kindly in this house. i mean, my brother would come home late at night from clubs at school and extra stuff he would do. he took college class in high school and he graduated with a 3.8 GPA. he also was vice president or KEY (kiwanis educating youth) club. I mean, i could never live up to that. i try, my friends know i do. but i cant. i always get blamed for everything. i feel like crap in my own home...
the only thing that is good about my life and thats keeping me going are my friends. they have always been there for me and im so thankful..all of you have helped in many ways... i dont know where I would be with out you..oh..maybe out smoking crack with some dippers. stare
*sighs* man...major ramble post..anyways... to all my friends. please come in and comment. say what you want. i needs some loving right about now. heart and even if your not my friend, please respond(if you got though the whole post sweatdrop ). ide like to get to know you 3nodding
seems as though all the stress has gotten to me (life issues..midterms..low grades, you get the picture) i dont know...I just saw the knife lying there and before i knew it i had cut my wrist...ive already made so many promises with my friends to never to it again, that if i did do it I would be in bigggg problems. sorry to drop this all on you now...hope you guys have better luck in handling things....
thanks!!:
Kagome_123 heart
PLaYStAzN 3nodding sad
Impuresouls (fank yu soo muc') heart
Jibby_the_Drugged_panda (much love to you tyler!) heart 3nodding
Liberi ignus (4 times?!) eek heart
Ouch (*huggles and leans on his shoulder xd *)
liberi terra *loves on her* heart 3nodding
ramdon avi arts ninja (my old avis name was angelic miko, but I changed it for my ex..) :
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