I need to talk to someone about how I'm feeling all the time. I need someone there for me .. To protect me. I know I have my Flock, but .. They wouldn't understand. If I spill my guts to them, all they'll do is judge me like everyone else. They don't know that they do it .. But I can see it in their eyes when I tell them something new. It's depressing.
I know what I want back in life .... It's Stephen. I need him back to make me happy again. I miss that boy more than ever now. I don't know why, but it suddenly hit me how much I still care. We used to do everything together. He got so close to me .. Then he just went off in his own direction. And it hurts everyday how I can't be with him anymore. All I want to do, is to just ask him .. "What happened? Why did you leave me? Why didn't you come back to me or answer my phone calls? ..." I thought he was worth my time and he was. People are surprised that I still think of him the way that I do but, face it guys .. I love him. I love him like nothing in the world. I wonder if he still has that poster I gave him ..?
"Instead of moving on I refuse to see, that I keep coming back, yeah I'm stuck in a moment, that wasn't ment to last, I've tried to fight it, I've tried to hide it, you don't even know that I ... still need you. I still care about you. I still feel you like I'm right beside you. But .. still no word from you." -Backstreet Boys.
In other news: I am now a smoker. Great. First drinking and now this. But this isn't even the start of my little trip. Oh no. If I'm offered the chance to try something new .. I'm taking it. I want to ruin my life just so I can get through life faster. No one knows how much of a waste I am. They all think that I'm this special person that can hurt people if something goes wrong. Well, to be honest, I'm not that strong at all. I only hide my real emotions with anger cause that's all I know. No one knows me. And that's what makes me sad. No one knows about my childhood .. I'd tell them but, I'm scared. I hide my smile so I can fool everyone into thinking that I'm always happy (when I pretend to be that is). But maybe .. Just maybe .. One day, it'll be real. Real happiness .... That won't happen for a while now. Oh the thought of it makes me excited! biggrin
Well, I think that's about it so .. I'll let you get back to your lives. Thanks for reading!
View User's Journal
Desire
 |
User Comments: [3] [add]
|
YamiBakurasLostSoul Community Member 
|
|||||||||||||||||
|
solar_moonlight
Community Member 
|
|
|||||||||||||||
User Comments: [3] [add]
Community Member