Welcome to Gaia! :: View User's Journal | Gaia Journals

 
 

View User's Journal

Report This Entry Subscribe to this Journal
TIGER


Mouko-Okibi
Community Member
avatar
1 comments
Poetry
Okay, I used to be a decent writer. Then I had a big lazy streak of not writing (it started when I was 11 and it's still going!!!) so I'm going to get back into it!!! Friends, bear with my feeble attempts, and give me feedback, PLEASE!!!

Optimism:

Why do many choose the sea of infinite blackness
Why do they want to end the life that they were granted
When all they have to do is see the light that shines upon this world??

I chose long ago to see the light
To see the world at it's best
But here and there deppression nibbles at my emotion
Threatening the optimism that is me

Why, oh why do people live in darkness???

Random? Yes. Didn't rhyme? Yes. Sucked? I don't know, you tell me!!! xp





User Comments: [1]
Eccentric Unicorn
Community Member
avatar
comment Commented on: Wed Jan 03, 2007 @ 05:35pm

    My honest opinion...

    You have a good idea here, but you need to work on your meter.

    Other then that, it was pretty good.

    Try adding some more figurative language.


One day I'll fly away...


User Comments: [1]
 
 
Manage Your Items
Other Stuff
Get GCash
Offers
Get Items
More Items
Where Everyone Hangs Out
Other Community Areas
Virtual Spaces
Fun Stuff
Gaia's Games
Mini-Games
Play with GCash
Play with Platinum