You know what? Sometimes I get tired of all the s**t in the world. I mean, all my peers keep trying to tell me that life sucks, when LIFE IS AWESOME!!! But after a while, it starts to rub off on you. You start thinking,"Well maybe life does suck...". And that totally pisses me off. And then, you tell people that, and then they think, "Man, this kid thinks he has some problems, but he's optimistic, he'll be okay." They blow me off. They're more interested to complaining to other people.
Also, I'm tired of competing for attention. Yes, I like being optimistic, but it doesn't mean I don't have hard times, or have times that I want to just kick the living crap outta everybody. Instead, I have to 'nag' to get other people's attention. Or I have to develop some emotion problem. Or get some serious bodily injury. Maybe I should step out in front of some bus and hope it doesn't kill me. Or wait, then they be saying "Oh, poor you" and they wouldn't give a crap.
I reeeaaalllyyy don't fit in too. I mean, all my friends are either straight A students, emos, or jerks who like causing people bodily injury. I'm none of that. I'm an optimisic, nonviolent slacker, who thinks life rocks and always sees the sun rise the next morning. And I like it. It's awesome to getting a 55% on a math test, then get a 42% on a math quiz, not be able to do what I want, and run away from home to see someone who doesn't give a crap (at least, that's my impression) and still thinks life rocks.
And, the person I want to see most is always busy. But not for her friends, no sir. She's always busy on the weekends I'm not, always has to go when I get online, has to go there, has to do that. And you know what? She wants to get busier. It feels like she wants to pack so much into one day that she doesn't have to worry about anything else. And yet, it seems like she hates being busy. She says, "Ugh, next year's gonna suck 'cause I'm going to have two AP classes." And then she decides to join Guard. Or wait, you don't 'join' guard, you pledge your soul and body to it.
Hmmmm...
I'm I missing the whole point here, or what?
And then she asks me if I'm mad at her. And I say 'no'. Why? Because I'm not. I'm disappointed. I mean, I know that she needs space, and she should do what she wants, but it hurts to see you get put on the person you like most's lowest priority list, right below 'nagging people who like to complain' and 'video games'.
I mean, these assumptions probably have no base, but that's what I think, and it hurts. A lot. If anyone knows the feeling of getting your heart ripped out by someone you care about, that's what it feels like.
And she complains about emos, when it seems like she's on the verge of being emo herself. The whole 'life sucks' thing is huge. The only difference between her and an emo is that emos feel as if they have no one to turn to when they get down. So they stay down, and don't want to get back up.
I also haven't known her for very long, and I can't relate to what she's been through. Maybe that's it...
I don't know...
Oh, and another thing. The only time this person ever looks me in the eye is when we're having a really stupid argument, like whether or not I should eat lunch, or whether or not the universe is all about balance. Any other time, she avoids my eyes.
Just because I like life doesn't mean nothing bad has happened to be. I just don't complain about my problems and hope they get fixed. I don't stress about my problems either. Instead, I just do what I can (or feel like) and then they get fixed.
So, in conclusion, maybe I'm just talking to myself, and no one out there will care. Or no one will read this period.
So, I'm leaving for a bit. Or maybe a long time. I don't know. I want to be the person I want to be, not some jackass who expects other people to solve my problems for me. Or have them worry about me period. Just someone to talk to... Maybe discuss what's happened to us... tell a few jokes...
Well, I guess this is 'later' for now.
Mouko-Okibi Community Member 
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