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I've made two people cry today....and it hurts a lot. I mean, I don't make people cry. It's not my nature, I'm the type of person that jumps at the chance to make someone feel better when something bad happens and to be on the other end of the whole situation...it's not something that I handled very well.

Ever since 2nd semester started I've been at a lose on what to do. The load from my English plus the fact that I need to finish my ILC Science before April 26th (and I have two and a half units left) or else I fail. I couldn't bring myself to do my work and I suppose was withdrawing a bit. My mother ended up practically begging me to drop out of my English course this morning, she talked about how I seemed to be reverting to the way I was for the last two years and she didn't want that to happen. She started crying when I didn't say anything, truthfully I didn't want to drop the course. I'm very prideful...and to do something like that makes me admit defeat, when I've tried so hard the last two years to try to overcome things like that. Yet, watching her as she cried made me agree with her...it's true that before the semester started I was doing much better than I had for the half a year and the stress of English was too much for me to handle.

For the next few hours I felt slightly relieved, as if a burden had been taken off my shoulders. I felt that I could say goodbye to my troubles again, atleast for awhile. Who knew that it would only take a few more hours before it'd all fall apart again.

The second person was my friend Craig. We share the same English class and sit beside eachother, I suppose I was his comfort in the class and never fully realized it until now. He wasn't in class today, he stayed home sick so I didn't get a chance to tell him until nighttime over msn.

It was horrible, it was as if his whole reason for being in the class had been ripped away from him. He understands though, that it was beyond both of our control and yet he still felt horrible and cried.

Is it wrong to say that I was the most hurt out of all of us though? To have my one chance at trying to advance in school again, like I had when I was younger, had been pulled away from me because I wasn't strong enough to handle it and then have to hurt my friend and not be able to do anything to ease his pain. What hurts the most is when they say "I'm away for one day and everything falls apart," and you know it's all your fault.

Can I finally say goodbye to my pain this time? Can I be free from the guilt that threatens to engulf my very being? I don't know anymore, I really don't know...
~Lady Kagome

~I stand alone, and watch you fade away like clouds,
High up and in the sky.
I'm strong and so cold,
As I stand alone.
Good-bye, So long, Adieu.~