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No pink, I'm not happy or cheerful right now. I hate, and I am disgusted with every person I have ever come into contact with.

Ha, good news? I made priestess on RO thanks to Josh and Sann. I love it, and I'm happy with that. I don't know what to do, though. Will I be ME priestess and solo forever or FS and support everyone but myself? Decisions, decisoons.

Why am I tryin to help anytone? Has anyone ever tried to help me? I buffed this swordmen in Payon Caves and she yelled at me for it. She said she didnt' ask for my help so not to give it. That pissed me off, I can't believe someone would refuse BUFFING. Stupid little PMSin b***h...

Josh and Sann are idiots. Not much to say but that. Sometimes they're such sweet little angels and I feel honored to call them my friends. When it matters, though, and I need them they both fail me in the most miserable ways. They don't even try. Why am ai wasting my time?

Some b***h signed into my LiveJournal and left a message on the last entry. This annoumous told me that things aren't as bad as I say they are, they said that I was never alone even in my darkest moments, why?.....because I have GOD. What kind of ******** up s**t is that?! Why would you put that in my damn journal?! I dont spam about how stupid religion is, I don't press people about how notihng can be proven, I DONT DO ANYTHING OF THAT SORT!!! Why do they do it to me?! What have I done so god forsaken wrong to deserve this?! God damn it, its not fair. Why can't I just be repected damn it?!

Respect, respect, respect. I despise being American in many ways, because no one respects anyone else. I belong to one of the most egotistical, ignorant, ******** up countries on earth! Horray for ******** me!! biggrin

.... stare

My mom just got home from work, she's pissed the house is messed up ahgain. SHe doens't yell at me anymore sicne I tried to run away. No, she still yells just not as bad. I was suppose to finish shopping today but ONCE AGAIN I am let down. Why? Because TODD has church s**t. Once again, something I want to do is pushed back yet ANOTHER week.


I hate Blaugh. Idiot 12 year old, he expects me to grovel and cry at his every whine and wail. stare I done do anything like that for no man and eh needs a fckin realitty check before I check his a** for him and he aint gunna like shti I have to say. stare

I'm just...so fckin mad at Josh. Sometimes its like I love him so damn much I'd risk anything for him, I'd do anything to be near him even though he's half way across the fckin US. Othertimes, he's such a fckin a**. He's over protective of me, and its kinda cute but he's pushin all my friends away just like he did Alche. He's goin to get banned on RO and I'ma be fckin married to someone whos' bannd AGAIN.

I wanna scream and kick and shout so fckin much right now,. scream stressed scream stressed

Ha, and then all my "friends" want me to tank them on RO. Funny huh? Now I fckin make priestess EVERYONE wants to talk to em. EVERYONER wants to be my friend, pathetic s**t.

Since I skipped school Friday I have a shitload of work to make up tommrow. stare Since I made priestess I can do the work but now I won't be able to get on RO. stare I'm poor on RO (THANK YOU JOSH)!!!!

Still, YAY no mail from Chris. stressed I dont even fckin know what to do anbout him anymore!!! I like him, I care about him, I love him, and he means so fckin much to me but I don't know if the feeling is mutaul or not. This JOsh s**t has me confused about Chris. Chris says he wants to be more than my friend someday, but who says we meet and then he isn't attracted to me? I dont...even fckin know about this situation with him. I haven't thought on itl because I dont know what to think.

...ha, weird. Thinking of Chris like instantly calmed me down. I feel all relaxed now. Once again, Chris beats all odds...

::sigh:: Josh doesnt know to much on Chris because...well...I'm kinda afriad to tell him and then he flips out on me or something. When I first said something about him, Josh got all quiet and quiet means he is schemeing...so I quickly patched it up and said he's like my older bro. Eh...that seemed to calm him...Josh wants to know all my friends ::sigh:: All my male friends so he can prove to them I'm off limits and taken by him and s**t...::sigh:: Thats when his behavior stops being cute...I'm not questioning to know all his fem friends 'cause I dont' care. I trust him, I don't see why he can't trust me too.

All I have done since Friday morning is be on RO. Yesterday I went out with my mom for a bit, but that was it. I was so determined to make priestess....I went to bed last night at 5am ish...I was talkin to Josh or somethin 'cause he hurt my feelings. I woke up at 9am 'cause tommrow I have all school. I can't sleep all day today or else it will mess up my sleep sceduel.

Thanks, Jblade, for your comment. Its nice to know someone still looks here and kinda comforting.

...last night, I had a recession. I'm sorry, I really tried to be strong...just didn't work. I was sad, and I felt hopeless, so I cut again. Nothin big, just little marks to remind myself why I quit in the firstplace. I'm done with it, again, I can't make any promises but I'll try not to need any reminders again.

Yea...so...bye...I have 32 PM's and I need to get responding to them...