These are some of my favorite quotes from Simon Birch. Some of them you have to see the movie to get. Simon=sacrasm. Which=love!
Simon: I've been thinking.
Joe: Yeah?
Simon: Last year we were in the squirt league, and this year we're in the pewee.
Joe: So?
Simon: So what do they want us to do, play baseball or urinate? Anyway, I was just thinking.
Simon: You're already a b*****d. Might as well be an enlightened one.
Simon: If God's made the church bake sale a priority, we're in a lot of trouble.
Simon: I said, what does coffee and donuts have to do with God?
Rev. Russell: They're merely refreshments so people can socialize and talk about up coming events.
Simon: Who ever said church needs a continental breakfast?
Rev. Russell: What are you doing sitting in a corner Simon?
Simon: Thinking about God.
Rev. Russell: In a corner?
Simon: Faith is not in a floor plan.
Joe: My balls just turned to marbles!
Simon: Mine just turned to BBs!
Simon: I don't think God's plan includes breaking and entering.
Simon: I don't see how pork chops could lead to intercourse, no matter how good they are.
Miss Leavy: The Star of Bethlehem is not a piñata!
Simon: Now get over there with the other flying monkeys, where you belong.
Simon Birch: Sex makes people crazy.
Joe Wenteworth: Come on. We're late.
Simon Birch: No, you're late. I'm just riding with you.
[Joe and Simon travel past two old men sitting down.]
Old Man #1: [laughing] Here they come - the Wenteworth b*****d and his granite mouse.
Old Man #2: Hey, Birch, nice sidecar. What'd you use, a matchbox?
Simon Birch: [gives them the finger] Have a nice day.
Old Man #1: Goddam kids got no respect these days.
Simon Birch: Your mother has the best breasts of all the mothers.
Joe Wenteworth: [trying to ignore] Yeah.
Simon Birch: And she smells the best too.
Joe Wenteworh: I know.
Simon Birch: She's so sexy that sometimes I forget she's someone's mother.
Joe Wenteworth: Okay. Okay.
Simon Birch: I was just being honest.
Joe Wenteworth: Well, what if I said the same thing about your mother?
Simon Birch: I'd have you committed.
Simon Birch: Your mother has the best breasts of all the mothers.
Joe Wenteworth: [trying to ignore] Yeah.
Simon Birch: And she smells the best too.
Joe Wenteworh: I know.
Simon Birch: She's so sexy that sometimes I forget she's someone's mother.
Joe Wenteworth: Okay. Okay.
Simon Birch: I was just being honest.
Joe Wenteworth: Well, what if I said the same thing about your mother?
Simon Birch: I'd have you committed.
Joe Wenteworth: What is it?
Simon Birch: [Upon seeing a dog] Ah! It's a horse.
Joe Wentworth: C'mon Si, all the girls think your cute.
Simon Birch: They think I'm cute like a baby turtle. Girls don't kiss baby turtles.
[At the nativity play]
Marjorie: Simon, are you okay? Simon, what is it?
Simon Birch: Boobs! [Reaches out to grab Marjorie]
Joe Wenteworth: Okay, you grabbed her boobs, and you pulled her into the manger. Big deal. It could've happened to anybody. Well, maybe not anybody.
[At Simon's bed in the hospital]
Joe Wenteworth: Jesus, Simon, you look like s**t.
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Bitter Beauty's Velvet Tears
A collection of my ups, downs, and if I ever find them maybe some poetry...and probably song lyrics.
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Captain Jane Sparrow
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