Welcome to Gaia! :: View User's Journal | Gaia Journals

It has been a couple days or so since I had made a post in here and honestly I would have if I could have but I could not therefore I had not. Lol confusing sounding basically my net was being a pain and it wouldn't let me get on gaia for some reason.... or any other website for that matter. But i'm back.

Lets see... A couple days ago not much had occured my brothers case was going very well and most of the oppositions witnesses basically skrewed up and ruined their chances of getting up on the stands. My symbol I hold so dear to me I had also found. I am not sure if anyone else has something like it but my symbol is a cold steel heart with a rather confusing pattern inside of it yet along the outside is a Thick pitch black outline all about the heart. It was bought as part of a necklace years back and I treasure it as much as I treasure my life... I can't even go to an interview without it on.

Yestarday things went crappy for me and even more so the opposite for my brothers case in court lol. For my day basically it started out with an old love of mine. She showed up and we finally got our chance to speak with one another without any interuptions... She claimed she felt like she was unworthy of me and that she was thinking about enlisting in the military so she wouldn't feel so helpless and defenceless all the time...saying it would make her feel better about our situation and that she wouldn't feel like trash compared to me?!?.... Her life is THRICE The life I have.... I have no job... I live 20 miles from my old school friends.... 100s of miles from the rest of my friends and honestly... without my symbol I am NOTHING..... I have no courage no time... no life... no happiness...No anything without it.... I feel like a wreck without my symbol around my neck... Shes got two jobs a nice family that isn't going to court every other week for something.... Honestly...I should be the one enlisting if any of us... I job shadowed a recruiter a few years back. I was interested in being a sniper back then. But then from there the day was so drawn out and boring I went upstairs and just turned on my CD player and listened to the music I had in it.

Stupid me... I hadn't changed the CD from the one that I had burnt off when I was informed of my Girlfriend dieing back in April.... Her name was Ashley but many people knew her as Vie where she lived. She was sixteen years old and made the cutest little noises when she stretched. ^^ To tell you the truth if she said beg id do it lol. I loved her like she was part of myself that I just couldn't get rid of if I wanted to.... Like an addict to their choice drug.....Like a soul mate .... and well...those memories all came rushing back from the music when I was listening to it and I literally cried myself to sleep... I woke up hours later with my eyes feeling like they are on fire completely dehydrated and my net not working. Its up now but not for long. Will reconnect later tonight as usual. ^ ^