DISCLAIMER: I'm going to swear...and all of my opinions are my own, and not representational of anyone else. I don't actually anticipate people reading this and basically and just using this as one big vent. I don't recomend reading beyond the last word of this sentence if you're: a) A small child or b) a big baby.
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Decided I might start using this tonight/this morning...Kinda weird. Aaaanyway...I think I recently hit one of the turning points in my life that could make or break me...My friend and I have decided to quit smoking cigarettes. I'm sure we'll have the weekly cigar or something, but we just decided we needed to stop smoking cigarettes before April 26th, 2005. Because if we're still smoking by then? We probably won't stop eek . If you know me in real life, you probably haven't really heard any piece of my emotions, other than detatched menace. Well, I got a lot o' s**t to say. If you don't like what I think...don't read it, because I probably won't give it voice other than this. Right now, I've got 3 things that are bothering me..In no specific order..: High School, The Rents, and College tuition.
1st: High School. This is actually a whole lot of bullshit. I honestly think I should get a licence to just ********' LAY OUT kids. Everything in high school is so petty and...rediculous. It's one big exageration. Everyone freaks out about everything, and no one gets any where. Of course, there are bunches of kids like me, preaching about how they hate the politics and all that jazz...and they're all hypocrits. Yes, I know what you're thinking...you're thinking "Haha, loser! You're being a hypocrite yourself! Look who's the a** now!" Well...I suppose you could look at it that way...except for that fact that I really don't have anything to do with any of that. Here is the only place I talk about it, and that's because I don't know any of you, so you can facking bite me. By the way, if you try, I'll break your jaw.
Another thing that kind of bothers me about high school is that I'm a senior, on the verge of graduating (3 months left! xd gonk ) and I've learned...Well, nothing really from the classes. I'm pretty sure I'm failing my Advanced Composition class. Perhaps by now, you've caught on that I'm semi-decently endowed with verbal skills, so it's not a lack of my grammatical skills. Actually...it is. That's EXACTLY it. It's my theory...that if I can read a 1200 page book in 2 days...and I type a grammatically perfect paper without any sort of instruction on the second day of our class, it really shouldn't matter that I can't tell you what a god forsaken object ******** compliment is. Angry? Yes, it's 2 AM, and I'm tired...But I shall preach on! Subject 2.
2nd: My parents. Holy s**t, sometimes...I think I was given to the two most incompatible, redundant people. Ever. Their comprehension is to general knowledge as 1 degree above absolute zero is the temperature. I'm actually suprised they manage to have jobs. As mean as that sounds, my mother today received a grade report from my AP Government class. And then proceeded to shreik for about 10 minutes upstairs, assuming I could hear her clearly and well. I, in reality, could hear a mild high pitched whine, which I thought was a suction cleaning device. So she storms downstairs and thrusts the grade report in my face, continuing her screech that I was "Missing a bunch of stuff in People + Society"...Well then. I took a gander at it, and quickly deduced: I was missing 1 thing, I was getting a B-, and it was from my AP Government class. I started telling her that I didn't have People + Society, and was instead taking AP Government...and was met by a string of undecipherable pitches. So I slowed it down and explained that it was a grade report for Government, not for People + Society. Upon closer examination, I found the words "People, and, Society" no where upon the page. Where she pulled it, I have yet to figure out. Then once she grasped that concept for 10 minutes, she started yelling about how I was missing a "whole bunch of stuff", which was 1 item. Actually, it was a test, and that's not my fault. My instructor admitted it, and informed me she had lost it. My mother, decided I was lying and I just got absolutely NO questions right on this test and actually got a ZERO percent score...Ugh. And then my Dad comes down and starts being like "Why're you yelling? You got a problem? Why're you doing piss poor in that class?" Ahh. I don't respond well to that kind of pressure, criticism or attitude...Pretty much because it sparks that same kind of response back, which usually doesn't end well. I believe I came up with the retort "I'm not yelling, you guys are just old. My problem is that you guys just don't grasp simple ******** concepts and just LEAP to your own, moronic conclusions and expect me to lie down and just take that s**t. I'm not Jamie (my sister...She's a good person, but I really think they ******** up with her...I'll address it later, probably.), you should know by now that I'm not a p***y, and I'm really not going to take that. And you, you most of all should NOT be talking to me about grades...First of all, I'm not failing. As a matter of fact, I'm not even close. I've never ever gotten amazing grades, and we both know that's because I don't particularly care. We also both know that your brain is like a dusty, 20 year old filament in some old abandoned building...While mine on the other hand, is a bright as ******** halogen from a brand new laboratory...Know what a halogen is?...laboratory? Goood." This is what it's like. People tell me to be nicer to my parents, but when they try to pull this s**t, it's unbelievable. It's notable that I didn't raise my voice at all to my mother, she just exagerates like a mofo.
My sister...Jamie is...a good person, probably one of the only people I'd call one of my true friends, which is weird because I couldn't stand her when I was younger. She worked hard in high school, did whatever my parents said without question, swam competitively, played clarinet, stayed away from all kinds of drugs...You know, THAT kind of kid. I really think that kids like this are really REALLY unprepared for life. Shelter is a basic need, but there's a point where it becomes a hinderance. My sisters roommate at college had never seen like...Snow White or Bambi until the middle of her Freshman year at the University. Ok, granted, my sister wasn't ever THAT sheltered, but still...She was kind of close. I kind of consider her weak, because of that simple difference in the way we were raised. Where if my parents told her to hop, she would without question. If they asked me to do that, even at a young age, I would ask "why?". If it was a satisfactory answer, I'd hop. If it wasn't, I wouldn't. I think that questioning and searching for reasons and motives is necessary to survive. College really lightened her up, though, which I appreciate. Where she was totally clean, I smoke, drink and typically party like a high school kid, and plan on partying like a college kid when I go there. My sister, while bright, was not really gifted in any way...Now that sounds harsh, and don't get me wrong, she can do alot of s**t that I can't...But I'm musically, mentally/academically. For instance, she was never exceptional at clarinet, while I'm recognized as atleast one of the top 4 high school trumpet players in the city. She also worked her a** off for the grades she got, to keep pace with her best friend, who was actually brilliant, now that I think about it. I got a 3.6 GPA this semester...and I didn't take a book home. Jamie struggled to get a 3.4 and did ALL her work, extra credit and studied all the time. I know it sounds like I'm bosting, but I really think having the type of independance I do would have helped her. Honestly from High school, I've learned one thing and that is: Always plan ahead and have two plans running. I really think they ******** her up though...they put the FEAR OF GOD into that girl, and she went through such hardcore culture shock at college....I really have no idea where I went or was going in that huge paragraph...Maybe it was just to reaffirm to myself that I am indeed one up on Jamie.
3rd: The University of St. Thomas...Yep, I'm gonna be a Tommy...for roughly $30,000. Sure the 12,000 four year renewable scholarship helps, but that still leaves me 18-19,000 for 4 (or more) years. How I got that scholarship? I have no idea eek . I don't have exceptional grades, I'm not really involved in much..About the only thing I do is shoot people (paintball) which can hardly be called a scholarly activity, and play my horn. I dunno...a friend of mine got 8,000 and she had above a 4.0 and was Student Council President. Weird. We debated it and the general consensus was that because I was male and asian, they gave me a lot of money...but man...thats like 76,000 dollars when I'm done with college. I can't help but feel dread at that thought. I feel like I'm just going to go into this pit and live like s**t for the rest of my life. I think this might be as good as it gets..and it ain't lookin' too hot. ********. xp scream
Lailokev Community Member 
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