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I really need to do this because if I keep it in I will go insane. I though my life was going good. I have a boyfriend. I have been happy and everything, but right now its back in the tubes..... I really hate it... Right when I get happy it turns to hell. That could be life just balancing its self out. Like you have good times fallowed by the bad. But why when I get really happy it seems something is there to turn it bad. Could it just be me and the way I am. Like the this morning. I was just chilling. I had just woken up a little while ago and I was trying to ajust to the light and the day. When I get ambushed by this though of being in the car with my sister and her boyfriend for 5 hours. My mom is trying to get a trip to see my family plained and my sis wants to take him along. Mom still has to see if dad wants to go. i hope he doesn't, then I can have shot gun. Well right then I asked my mom to see what was going on. I asked, "Am I going to be suck in a car with them" My mom said if he is aloud and if I talk it over with everyone. I gave that famous face-Dear suck in the head light stair... I really don't like him that much. He just has rubbed me the wrong way. I sort said the wrong thing then...... And here it is... "he just wants to come because he can't stand being away from her... He's such a big baby..." Right then and there you know you said something wrong in your head, but you can take it back. Its out and that little person in your head is saying stupid why did you say that.... Right then and there it set off a chain reaction of pain and blame. I was then told I was too mean to my sister and that I need to stop I need to this and that. I need to be niceer to her bf. I relized this again for the thouseand time that my mom doesn't think much of me. She loves her older child better. That I am just that second fittal that can be played if need be. After it was all over I sat there with my inner self yelling at me... Your tounge is like hot coal... It doesn't need to be seen or heard. Pretty much that means I don't need to talk any more. Just clean the house and do your thing....
I do know that I was at wrong for saying that thing about her boyfriend but I really. No one has asked me if I want that. No one cares what I think about the trip. Its a family thing.... to go see family and watch a good friend graduwait (SP). Is it something you take a boufriend that you have only been going out with for about 4 mouths? I am just so Gah right now... I will find my way I guess... There comes that saying again "Live and learn"