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to resist the pull
to fight the current
to run and get me as far as possible
only makes me run in circles
from the start there seems to be no end
until i see you...

to resist the pull of your light that fends off the darkness
to fight the current of your warmth that melts the ice in my heart
to run and get me as far as possible away from your gental touch
only makes me run in circles back to you
from the start there seems to be no end to clouded judgement
until is see you...

one look is all it takes,
poison my mind body and soul,
his face, touch and embrace are all i want,
i try to run, to resist the temptation but,
for to long i have i have avoided sin,
i want to express my feelings but i have no voice to do so,
i just want to rip open my skin and let it mix with the poison of love that torments me,
seeing him in dreams and fantasies teares me to pieces,
the brain wash so strong i don't even want to die,
all i want is to do is express my love and it be returned...
damn the poison... worst then drugs...

i hate you... you make me crave you,
your words, your skin, your heart, your soul
you let me feel, touch, and love
i want it all for myself...
but...
was it all a lie?
always hiding in the shadows is all i do,
when others are present
when we are alone i let you have your way because of the love i feel,
you wisper words that send me high,
you let me touch... unsure as i am,
you assure me and i do as i please,
yet when we are apart you say she is better
tears are held back, pride is deminished,
you build me from scratch, to assure my willingness, then break me with cruel words,
i try to save myself by seeking another but...
i only crave you more,
your spell on me pulls me closer with every attempt to pull away.
i hate you so much why won't you release me? but still...
i'll wait in the shadows forever never to see light, only you.
i'll let you break me down, rebuild me, break me...
i want your touch, to be embraced with your arms,
i'll let you do as you please,
i want you to keep me close,
i want your words to lift me, even if they're hollow and fake,
just let me love you and i'll be ok...

shot in the head, a painful blow, from my desires... i want and want him but cannot have for all he wishes to be friends. but i care for him to much to push it further, i respect his wishes and we remain nothing more. but it hurts yet i say nothing, my lip afraid to move, my voice dare not make a sound, my eyes water... tears spill but i still say nothing. my desires crushed but they are still with me deep inside where i hide them. he says "its just a crush" it pains me so, but as long as i am with him i shall be content... for now. to control ones desires is a powerful weapon, i long for that power but... i know i'll never have it...

to love is the best feeling one can experince... but jealousy and selfishness go along with it, you want to be the only one that they praise for beauty or know all about them but... sometimes they won't say it because they can't read your mind. you may know that in your mind but your heart may not want to except that knowledge. mine won't... it hurts me to hear him praise other the way i wish he would me, but when he does i feel like i'm flying and there would be no reason to come down. thats my selfishness... i eny thoughs that know more about him than i know but i hate my self for being jealous, so i constantly tell myself i dont deserve him... i can be jealous of a object that he may have. my jealousy is pitfull. thats my jealousy... but i love him more than my own parents, i love them half out of fear... he is more dear to me than my life. when i'm with him i don't want to leave him, other wise i feel dead and lonly in side besides a few friends he is one of my reason for living. he is somthing i can not live with out. thats my love. love, jealousy, and selfishness go hand is hand anyway... my jealousy, selfishness can be a curse but its worth it for love...

perfection, to think nothing is wrong with you or your life. but no one is perfect thoes that say that critisize others and act as if every one likes them, just because they have many friends. i hate thoes people, they try to change others thinking its for their own good but maybe that cahnge might make them relize that the one to dispise is them and not others... they change others to suittheir needs without thinking, i hate thoes people. when you ask them for somthing they look for a reason not to give you want you want ignoring the things that you have done, they hold grudges and don't let go of them... i dispise the thought of them. family friends thoughs types of people are everywhere distroying our homes and homes of others, i hate them and want them to die...! but then again i might belike that in in the eyes of others...

my tears do not leave my eyes... they always stay in my eyes on the edge threating to spill out. i envy thoes who can shead tears, mine don't fall from my eyes... i wish they did but they don't overflow and leave me, they just stay there like painful unforgetable memroies... they don't leave me no matter what i do... i just want them to leave me and take the memories with them but i should stop asking for the impossible but still i wish they would go...

your mad at me... i cry feeling sadness and brusie and cut out of hate. i was recovering from hating myself but you became mad so i hate more now. i stand alone on two trebling legs, i want to fall i want to die. i finally drop but you knock me over again, everytime i get up you knock me down... i love you but you push me away, i finally stay down from being battered and brusied. you seem to care now, you apologize but i dont care now. i go to the clif's edge and fall you run and grab my begging for me to come up but i smile mischoiously and pry my hand from your grip, letting my hand slip through yours, i let you watch me as i slip through your hand and out of sight...

when i am sad i can't breath. the air may past though me and fill my lungs but i still cant breath. its as if water covers me and no one will help me, no one will pull me up. i reach out to you but you walk away into the shdows of the crowd blending in with the crowd watching me go under and dissapearing into the water. help me, let me breath, let me live! your smothering me i cant breath you make me go under, you and the world. you push me under you douse me in water, i try to come up for air but you push me down, all you do is laugh as my head goes under.