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Hot, salty, and a bit bitter. Blood filled my mouth as he kicked me repeatedly. It wasn’t the first time I had been kicked while I was down. He kept yelling, I didn’t pay attention to his indiscernible rambling. Soon he was satisfied that I had been broken and battered enough. I knew better then to make a deal with the devil. I couldn’t resist getting just a little more, which certainly made the devil mad. I picked myself up, and slumped onward. Tallying up the broken, the bruised, and the hurt parts of me took longer than I expected. There she was, sitting on the bus bench. A simple summer dress, no make-up. I sat next to her saying nothing, what could I say without being weird. A low rumble indicated the bus was around the corner. I looked at her just in time to see her looking back. I forced a smile, while my face lit up with agonizing fire. She turned away, but I could tell she was smiling to. The doors opened. She got on and so did I. The back of the bus was empty and dark. The perfect place to observe her while she sat in front. Things grew darker, and slowly faded. A sudden stop threw me to the floor. Looking up, I could see my stop outside the doors. Quickly I gathered myself and exited. Standing upon the curb I watched the bus pull away farther down the street into the sunset I wish I knew. Turning towards home I saw her walking away from me. Two men were following her. Not the kind of men who had good intentions, which was easy to see. I hesitate because I’m to cowardly. Before they get out of sight, I follow. Street lights flicker on giving the shadows away. She sees them and starts to walk more quickly, and her shadows continue pursuit. I jog, trying to decrease the distance between them and me. Soon she turns down an ally. Not the best idea for her. They have her trapped as I peer around the corner. One shadow pulls his knife, the other grabs her. I shout at them. Wrong move. They turn on me, running now. I trip and hit a parked car. Now I’m surrounded by shadows. They take turns, thrashing what could very well be my corpse. Screaming in my ear, distant yet growing stronger. Now it’s almost unbearable. I think it might be a siren, but the blood in my ears is interfering with the sound. It cuts off. Now she’s whispering in my ear softly. At this point she’s all the guardian angel I need. Blacked out again. Cold, I’m so cold. Can’t feel anything either. Heads fuzzy with something swimming inside. Slowly I open my eyes and look to and fro. She’s there in a chair. Her cheeks are red, dress is wet, and hair in a mess. I don’t care, all I want to do is scream at her, kiss her, anything at all but I can’t move without pain pinning me down. I look down to see her holding my hand. Damn it, I want to feel her hand but my body’s numb. I stare at her intently, hoping she’ll look up. It takes her some time but finally she looks me in the eyes. Her face lights up. She jumps to her feet and rushes out of the room. Now I have doctors and nurses surrounding me. All of them chattering at the same time. I wish I could tell them to stop but I can’t even talk due to the tube shoved down my throat. She stands in the corner quiet. I ignore all the other people standing around me and focus on her. Maybe if I concentrate hard enough, she’ll understand what I want to say to her. Silly I know, but I have to try something. Thank you is the only thing I think about. Over and over trying to tell her through my mind. I can feel my head going swimming again, and I black out. Same taste as I wake up this time, plastic with more plastic. She’s not here. I feel disappointed that she’s gone without the chance for me to tell her how much I appreciate what she did. I look around again, spotting a box on the table next to my bed. I pick it up careful not to tangle any tubing sprouting from my arms. It’s red, no ribbons, and feels good in my hands. I open the package slowly. Inside is a quill pen, and inkwell, and some paper. I set these aside. Underneath seems to be a letter. I open it hastily, to find a note inside. She tells me how grateful she is for me saving her from the shadows, and adds her address at the bottom. I’m no good at writing anything, so how am I suppose to write to her. I lay back on the pillow contemplating what I should say. Obviously I can’t tell her how I feel, it would be to soon but I have to tell her something. Maybe a nap will help me figure out what I need to say. I close my eyes and drift off into nothing. I never had dreams, just a vast darkness engulfing me only to spit me out into the light of reality. Another day in the room, still no one visited. Then again I had no one, except her. A letter came today, hers. My sweet angel wrote to me again. Soon, she’d visit. The hours between then and now paraded through my mind. Each one more slow then the last, and so went the hours. I had been staring at the window for quite some time, and could see nothing outside of it. I knew there things out there, but none I could view from the room. That’s when she coughed, not the sickly kind but the hey I’m here kind. I turned so fast, the stitches almost ripped. There she was, this time in a sweater and faded blue jeans. I smiled as much as I could. It still hurt to move my face. She pulled a chair close to the bed. The tubes had been removed from my throat, but I could only whisper. I liked to whisper to her, because it gave me the chance to smell her. She giggled at my silly jokes. It couldn’t be more obvious that she liked me. I liked her, well maybe more so then that. Ok, I’ll admit I love her. Something about her makes me feel like maybe I don’t have to be miserable. Maybe it’s ok to show some emotion. She was leaving, and now I’m sad again. I don’t want her to go. She tells me she’ll be back. Then the devil himself shows up. She embraces him and kisses him. Not that peck on the cheek kind. No that I’m in love and I don’t care who knows. He sees me and smiles, that sly grin. He has her, and not me, and he knows it. I’ve been betrayed. She didn’t tell me of him. My pretty angel is being held by the devil. My heart hurts. I want to rip it from my chest. How could she betray me? She made me happy, and now she’s taken what was my most precious treasure and smashed it. I can’t forgive her. She writes a few more letters of which I don’t respond. Time passes and I leave the room. Shoved back into a society that has no place for me. With no purpose, no love, and nowhere to go I get all my cash. A gun, a bullet, and one last letter. I tell her it’s not her fault, lie. I explain why I don’t want to live anymore, excuses. I apologize for not talking to her, no regret. An empty field accompanies my apartment building. Good as place as any. It’s cold, yet comforting. Even though it’s under my chin I can taste the metal. Sharp, so bitter sweetly sharp. I place my finger on the trigger. Only a quick squeeze separates me and my own destruction. Death the only one who’s loved me, is singing me to sleep now. Ohh how sweet she sings, softly in my ear. Telling me it’s ok, there’s no more pain once she’s taken me. She was not the one I loved, but she loves me all the same. She loves me with no hesitation. I must embrace her, so I squeeze.
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