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Every day is a new challenge. And sometimes I wonder. Y'know, I always end up talking to myself about my problems, because I feel like no one else will actually listen to me. Maybe it's my fault people won't listen, but the hell with them. I know that if it's one person who will always understand me, and understand what im going through the best, it's myself. I've changed so much these past few years. I've grown to know who my real best friends are, who really loves me like they say they do, and come into terms with myself. Sometimes I feel as if people could care less about me. And they wonder why I feel so down, and lonely all the time. When it's usually them that's causing the problem. It makes me feel worthless, and like im the stupid one. But it's their mistake. I'm tired of being hurt. Im tired of being thrown around. I just want to be happy. I've spent too many hours of my precious time crying, and mope-ing over so many things. Being in love, loosing friends, and my past. These things are the things that will probably haunt me for the rest of my life. Because I am in fact an idiot, but who isn't? They say to live and learn, and never regret, but if only they knew how hard it is, to live, AND learn, but NEVER regret. I know this probably doesn't make sense to anyone but myself, which is why I set it on private in the first place.
I've decided to write in this stupid gaia online journal on private everyday that I can. because it will give me something to look upon and maybe I can accomplish not talking to myself where anyone could hear. Because not only does that make me look really stupid, but sort've pathetic.
It's 1AM now, and im slowly thinking about my day. Brody got a new cell-phone, and he's having so much fun with it. Brody. Brody. Brody. Whenever I hear his name, I think of all the times I've been depressed, and crying myself to sleep. I love this boy more than you can ever and will ever know. But then, there comes Joe. The guilt that I SHOULD feel isn't visible. I don't know what's wrong with me
Both of these boys bring smiles to my face, and tears of happiness. Y'know, with a past like mine, you'd really would be thankful for these people in your lives that do these things. But sometimes I wonder.
Joe really continues to make me happy. He's one of the biggest joys in my life at this point in time. And I've grown to love this boy, with all of my heart. When im with him, I feel no pain, no sorrow, nothing but love. When we first met on the first day of 8th grade, I knew it was friendship for life. This kid is probably one of the best things that has happened in my life, so far. I will never forget him, and I hope he will never forget me. I truely am in love with this kid, every single part of him. He has the best sense of humor, and it doesn't hurt that the fact he is really cute. If only he really knew how much I cared about him... But yet he still fails to see that. And it makes me disappointed, because it makes me feel as if im wasting too much love on Joe, where-as I could be wasting more love on Brody, or my friends.
My friends. Oh jesus. Y'know, Allie has been getting on my last nerve this past week. Aaron had asked her out at the 8th grade dance and stuff. And of course she had said yes. Probably just out of the fact that no one else liked her, but im not really sure. Not like I really care what goes on her life that much, but yeah. She's already saying that she loves him, and she misses him, and yada yada yada. It pisses me off so bad, the fact that she would say something like that, because she has no idea what true love is. Like with Brody, I've known this kid since I was 11 or 12 years old, and We've only been dating for 6-7 months, aka when we were 13 going on 14. It took me and him 2-3 years to even discover that we wanted to be MORE than FRIENDS. it's ridiculous that people who've been dating for less than two weeks, even THINK that they are in love. the hell with them! They have no ******** idea! God it makes me so mad...
I've posted alot today. I've had a lot on my mind. I guess this blog thing would be good for me if I did it regularly. And maybe I shall.
If things get bad enough, I promised myself I would do this blog.
Im going to bed. Im exhausted, and my body desperately needs atleast another 10 hours of sleep.
Untill next time...
Jess.
 [Single Silver Bullet] · Sun May 27, 2007 @ 06:11am · 2 Comments |
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My birthday isn't for another month, but Ah well.
... I'll be 14. And Im hungry. XDD.
Im tired, and im sick of this bright screen. So i'll go now.
Bye.
[Single Silver Bullet] · Wed Sep 27, 2006 @ 11:48am · 3 Comments |
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![[Single Silver Bullet]](https://a1cdn.gaiaonline.com/dress-up/avatar/ava/f1/af/1069603117aff1.png?t=1458921764_6.00_01 "[Single Silver Bullet]")