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I took your hand and it felt so warm, like pure liquid sun. You smiled down at me – a face of perfection. You hate your messy blond hair, but it’s my favourite part of you. You have eyes like the morning sky that complimented your strong jaw line. I stopped walking and buried my face into your broad shoulders. “I love you”, I whispered. Wrapping your arms around me tightly, you uttered the same words. Your sweet scent swirled around me, and I took it in like a drug, already too addicted to stop. Then bending down, you kissed me softly; it was no shorter than an angel’s touch. “Don’t leave me” I breathed. You promised you were never going to, and I thought I had a taste of heaven.

I saw you walking towards me slowly in the rain. Your shoulders were slightly slouched, and you were soaked through. Rain was dripping down the strands of your hair, and it was tempting to touch. I smiled brightly at you and my heart raced faster than light, until I thought I could no longer hold it in. But you stopped, just there, three paces away. I reached out hesitantly with an arm and stepped closer, but you moved back. Suddenly my chest grew tighter and I could feel my fingers clenched tightly around my umbrella. We couldn’t say a word, and the silence grew so loud I couldn’t hear the splatter of the rain on my umbrella anymore.

“I’m sorry”, you finally said softly. I dropped the umbrella unconsciously as I watched you silently walk away; it felt as if my heart had stopped. Rain pelted across my face, blurring my vision; or was that my tears? I couldn’t tell. My whole body was invaded by sadness, and in no time at all, it broke my heart into a thousand pieces. I couldn’t tell you I love you, and I couldn’t chase after you, begging you to take me back. So I turned and walked away, like you did, but each of my footsteps felt like the weight of lead.

I cried for you in the middle of the night, but all that ended up with was my pillow being shredded to pieces and swollen, red eyes. I laughed bitterly at my horrendous reflection in the mirror – no wonder you broke up with me. Then, as if all my fuel was used up, I stopped crying. I felt empty and broken. I ate food without tasting, I heard things without listening – it was like you took a part of me away with you.

Then I saw you standing with a girl by the classroom doorway, bending down to give her a swift kiss. My heart jerked suddenly – she was so much prettier. Her eyes twinkled like sapphires in a way my dull murky brown eyes never did. Glossy blond hair flowed down her shoulders like silk, and a dazzling smile pasted on her face like a painting. At that moment, I was overwhelmed with envy and jealousy. I’ve always known that I wasn’t good enough for you. There was a voice inside me that longed to shout out, to scream, to cry. I kept it caged, but the locks were coming loose; I could almost feel the chains rattling, yearning to get out. Every time I saw you in the corridors with her felt like a sickening stab. But I bore the pain, every day, until you finally left.

Three years on, I still cling onto you like weak glue; it’s not a strong bond, but it’s there. I’d love to hate you, but the good memories refused to fade. You’re still on the back of my mind whatever I do. I would go to the beach, and the memory of carving our names on the rocks would suddenly creep up on me. I would think of you every time I see a skateboard, remembering your clumsy moves when you first started. Do you still do skateboarding? Probably. You were everything to me. What was I to you? Was I just another broken promise that lay forgotten like yesterday’s old news? Or was I, for a short while, your everything too?

Last night, I cried because of you one last time. It felt like I was never going to stop. But after that, I realised that I should have let you go a long time ago. If you love something, let it go. That’s the saying, isn’t it? So here I am, writing this message in a bottle. It’s not going to reach anyone, or anywhere, because it’s something that should never be touched again.
So then, I guess you’ll never know that I still love you.

***
The breeze brought the salty smell of the ocean to me as I closed my eyes. The green bottle was close by my chest, and I could feel the steady rhythm of my heartbeats through the thick glass. Taking a deep breath, I threw it out into the sea with all my force. I watched it float away with the sun light glistening off the surface of the calm, grey waters, and smiled sincerely for the first time as I thought about him.