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my name is not important right now and i dont quite know where to start. the past week has been a living hell. sunday was a good but terrible day. i got to kiss the girl of my dreams but im not sure if it meant anything to her. im goning insane not being able to know. i cant sleep at night and i cant think straight. i only get about 28 hours of sleep a week. music is the only thing that keeps me sane. i cant keep doing this over and over again.
it started when i met my first girlfriend. we were greatly in love and i cant really say that we dated for a while. i got sent to another state over 300 miles away from where i once lived. i only spent one time with her besides times at school. i was sent away because i was being a smartelic to my mom. at the time i thought she was the one who had problems because she was grounding me for no reason at all. she grounded me for not doing dishes when i couldnt find the plug to the sink. i got mad and it started a usless fued. the next several days were nothing but chaos. i was talking to my girlfriend at that time and she asked me to go to church with her that upcoming sunday. i told her no. that sunday morning i was sent to the far away place.
during my stay there i did nothing but sulk thinking how foolish i was. i kept in touch with my girlfriend every day. i got transfered to my new school and i felt so alone. i had no friends, no music, nothing besides a corner to sit in and the floor to look at. no one tried to talk to me. i always had such a scornful look on my face. several weeks passed and i called my mother to see how she was. we were able to talk without raising voices at each other. it made me feel a little better thinking that we could talk again. my father was the one i was staying with in this far off place. he was getting angry with me about using his cell phone because of long distance calling. my mom didnt like the fact he was getting mad at me for silly things like that. by this time i realized just how good i had it with mom. i realized that i was the one with the problem not her i i hoped she could forgive me. more weeks passed and it was close to my birthday. i thought i could at least have one good day. i stayed at my aunts house and i finally got to a computer to check my email. the first message i spotted came from my girlfriend. in her message she explained how she was sorry but not being with me was too much for her. i died inside.
i never knew that i could feel the way i did once i read the message. it was too much to take. then i noticed something i never did before. i couldnt cry about it. i realized that ever since i had been sesnt away that i had not cried. my emotions were so completely mixed up i couldnt even cry when i was sad. i called my ex-girlfriend and told her i understood how she felt. i expected it would happen anyway. my birthday had finally came up and i went to the movies with my father heartbroken. he took me to see a movie about love and it felt like he was rubbing it in my face.
halloween is my favorite holiday. i dont know why it just is and it always makes me happy watching children running around grabbing candy in every direction. it gives me a fuzzy feeling inside. but this time was diffrent. i was stuck inside my fathers house while i sat in my room thinking how much fun everyone else was having and i felt completely terrible inside.
christmas came and i was glad to finally go back to visit all of my other friends and see my ex again. we had kept in touch while i was far away. she found someone else while i was gone but i was fine with it. i cleaned moms house for a whole day trying to show her i had changed. i agreed with her at every chance i could. we spent time with each other and i was happy. my cousin wanted me to spend some time with him during break. i spent many nights at his house playing video games.
my best friend was off in california at this time. i missed him greatly because i was not going to be able to see him before i went far away again. so me and my cousin were going to spend christmas and new years together palying video games. right after this mom asked me if i wanted to stay with her again. i was completely shocked. i never thought it would actually happen but it did. i told her yes.
the day i went back to my school on monday after christmas break i was mobbed by many of my old friends. they were giving me hugs and greeting me with smiling faces. i wasnt able to go to school untill that friday. then something happened that i never expected.
the most beautiful girl i had ever seen walked by me. the way to describe her...........there isnt one. she is constantly in my mind and whatever i do i cant get her out. i dream of her and think of her constantly. nothing that i do will change that first time i saw her. she had a sweet perfume on that is still in my nose. my best friend introduced her to me and all i heard was mumbling. i got her name and face. it almost brings me to tears thinking about that moment. days passed by and i still looked at her with glistening eyes but she didnt seem interested in me. i kept to myself without saying anything to anyone. one weekend i stayed at my best friends house and my ex and her boyfriend, the beautiful girl and her sister, plus me and my best friend. the beautiful girl seemed to flirt a little but now im not sure if she was.
the next week i went back to my best friends house again and he got on my email and asked the beautiful girl to go out with me. she said that she would but there were things that she had to take care of some things first. i told her that it was fine and that there was no rush because i know how much pressure rushing puts on people. she told me thanks for understanding.
two weeks later i kissed her and she kissed back. i had never felt so alive. but the next day was monday and we had to go back to school. that evening one of my friends shattered my hopes and dreams. they told me we would never be able to date and that she would leave me and just go on about her buisness. ever since then i have been depressed out of my mind. im waking up at one in the morning and staying up untill three thirty and finally going back to sleep. the only thing going through my head in those two and a half hours are the words "does she feel the ssame way?" i cant stand not knowing. i cant sleep, think, listen, or hear anything. it is destroying me.
i called my ex asking for help. she said she and her new boyfriend would talk to her about it. i dont want them to but its not like i can do anything about it now. now all i have to do is wait and hope.















it never happened......................