Of course, as a mother I have to hope that my children are successful and happy. But that begs the question of what I consider successful. My parents, of course, based successfulness on income and prestige. It's really hard for a person to overcome 20+ years of brainwashing. But I think I've managed to do it.
What will I consider a success for my children. First of all, success has to be defined differently for each person. But there are some things that are the same for all people.
Family: I want my children to find someone they love that they can spend their life with. Do I insist on marriage? Of course not. Marriage, to me, is a religious institution. If a child doesn't believe that marriage is needed to join them to their life-mate, then so be it. If my children decide they'd like to contract civilly, then they should do that rather than look at the religious aspect of the joining. Does it matter what gender they each choose? Again, of course not. A person can love someone of their own gender or of the other gender. So long as the love is true, that's all that matters. Do I want them to have children? Well, I'd love to be a grandmother. But it's more important that my children want to be parents rather than make me a grandmother. I've told each and every one of my children that if their partner should find herself pregnant and they don't feel that they are ready to raise children then I would raise their child as a grandparent. I insist that I have custody, but not that I be considered their parent. But whether they choose to have children or not, or have children they're not ready for so that I raise them, to be successful they must decide this for themselves.
Education: This is a tough area for me. My parents both have doctorate degrees, as do my sister and myself. My husband has a bechelor's degree. My children have been "homeschooled" so they don't have a diploma or a GED. We haven't really done lots of traditional study, but they still know much more than other young people of their age. Do I need my children to have lots of degrees? Nope. And do I want them to rush through college? Nope. Mark and William really aren't "college" types. They could surely complete a degree if they wanted. But what would they do with it? Nothing. Daniel and Becca probably should go to college. They'd learn so much and so many career paths would be open to them. But do they want to? I don't think so. So is a degree required for them? Of course not. They need to be prepared only to do what they desire to do and no more. David. Wow, the last one. He wants to be a massage therapist. So, no college is necessary. But there are many massage therapy schools for him to go to. That's all that I ask, that they be prepared for their chosen careers.
Career: Again, it's different for each one. Mark has wanted to be a truck driver for some time. Of course, he needs to get a driver's license so he can begin practicing his driving. He's 19 in just a few weeks and hasn't yet driven on his own. But I think the first step for him is to get a job that will enable him to get a vehicle and become more independent. Truck driving would be great for Mark. And I'd say that if it is his desire and provides him and his family, should there be one, with necessities, then he's done well in his choice of career. Becca has so many aspirations -- she's wanted to be a clothing designer, a day-care owner, a photographer, a helicopter repair person. Now, she'd like to be an entertainer. I love that she has goals like that. I support her 100%. William isn't telling me now what he'd like to do. He was once interested in being chef or baker. I think this is still an excellent choice for him. He could work in a hotel, on a cruise ship, or locally wherever we live. He's so great at cooking and working in the kitchen that, so long as he'd be happy with it, this is a great choice for him. Daniel -- oh, boy. I don't know what he wants to do. He's talked about driving trucks with Mark. They do get along well and I'm sure he could keep the books for them and do driving as well. But is that enough for him? I think that his mind needs a challenge and this probably wouldn't be enough. Whatever he decides to do, I'd like to help him to succeed in it based on his needs. David. Well, as I said, he's looking at being a massage therapist. I'd love that because he's promised me free massages. But no matter what he does, I think he'll be great at it. So, overall, if they want to do it and they know how to do it, then that's the career for them. Well, so long as they can support me in the manner to which I'd like to become accustomed. blaugh
Morality: I don't want to say "religion" or beliefs or anything specific like that. Maybe that's because I can't think of the word. But I think that to be truly happy, a person has to have some underlying set of rules that they consider a standard for people to meet. For instance, we'd probably all agree that we shouldn't take innocent life. But what about the rest? Honesty is important and I think that all my children know that and are basically honest people. Kindness is also important. I think that most people are most happy when they are in the service of others, and this is the root of kindness. My children in general are more concerned with how their actions impact others than anything else. I really like this because at the moment I'm the significant other for each of them. My children love animals and children and show willingness to take care of those who need assistance whenever possible.
Well, there's more that I need to put in here but I'm afraid that I'm exhausted and need to go to sleep. I'll try very hard to get back to this within a day or two. Good night to all.
Mittxe Community Member 
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