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It's the last night of spring break... and I'm stuck at home with two second graders. I'm getting paid for this... so why do I feel like crying?

I've done plenty of fun things over this break, but I don't feel like I've accomplished anything. Sure, I'm almost done painting my room, and I fixed the internet. Sure, I went out with friends, and I posted a new story on FF.net. But it still feels like I'm waiting for something to happen, and it's too late, now.

My next break is summer... so far away! Not to mention that it is busy: between jobs and camps, I barely have time for myself. My dad is making me meet everyone who is anyone at A&M, with hopes of that helping me to get in, despite my grade point average... which last year tanked, by the way.

Now I'm sitting on a 3.0... if last year's depression hadn't happened, then I would be flying with a 3.6! My mom keeps on telling me that everyone has a down year... but why did mine have to be in HIGHSCHOOL, when it mattered? Why couldn't it have been eighth grade, or once I'm out of college?

So, I'm sitting here, on the couch in the living room. The person I'm trying to reconnect with (if you keep up with this journal, you'd know who I'm talking about) is at a dance, after being unavaliable for the entirety of the break. I can't get in touch with anyone else. My computer blue-screened and I lost half of possibly one of my best pictures ever.

And I'm waiting.

For what?

...I just want to cry, so why can't I? The tears are there, but they're not falling!

And I'm waiting.