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I love manuel he is so sweet and awsome and sexy and hot and perfect heart redface heart
 Sabrina Usagi · Thu Jun 07, 2007 @ 04:52am · 0 Comments |
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Is it just me or does every second I spend with you tend to make me cry out for my insanity? No. I’m sure you have something big to do with this. I mean look at me you’re the reason I can be so cold, the reason that I learned how to make a person cry out it agony and pain and never feel a thing about it. The tears that run down my face will never be real because of you and the torment that you have put me through over the years.
You’ve called me worthless, trash, stupid, idiot, brainless and so many more and then you expect me to come crawling back to you asking for forgiveness, my love unconditional? Somehow I doubt that will happen anymore. You’ve kicked my small frail body into a bathtub over and over again until I was bruised and bleeding and I nearly had a concussion. Well actually that was before you refused to take me to the hospital. Now that I think about it you are the source of my chronic headaches that I was prescribed and given codeine by the doctor, yeah the one you took away and kept all to yourself leaving me with the head splitting pain that the doctor said would give me another concussion.
But you know I was naive to be nice enough to forgive you then. But I was a lot smarter when you rammed me into the wall over and over again; I still have the dent you left in my skull. Or when you kept hitting me ‘cause you had to be right when you knew once again you were wrong. I remember that especially because soon after that we found out I was anemic, the bruises on my arms my ribs and my beck didn’t go away for months after that. In fact I one of them likes to reappear every once in a while. And I will never forgive you for all the times that you thought you were far more important than my health, you know the times I could barely breathe and you put me to work doing things that if you got your fat lazy a** up from in front of the television you could do.
But all that aside, I realized mother’s day is coming up and I couldn’t care less about what to get you. After all I’m the only one who even tried to give you a nice mother’s day or birthday for all those years. I mean damned the rest of them nearly killed you, too bad they didn’t completely. And still you treat me like crap and call me your problem child saying you wish I weren’t born, you wish I never existed. Well I thought about what I could do for you and your accursed womb this year. First I considered running away but a hypocrite like you could twist that for your own need pretending to be sad and to go looking for me, I bet your “friends” will think that’s oh so sweet. Then I thought to grant your wish and to kill myself leaving a note to shatter all the delusions of those around you casting you in a new light, but then I wouldn’t be able to see the look on your face and eventually people would start seeing you as the victim I was.
This year I have decided to do nothing to acknowledge the holiday. I’m sure that if your beautifully wondrous son or your perfectly accomplished daughter even realize, or care, about the day that they cold do a lot more to make you cry than I ever could. And at least then the tears and the pain will be real because it is being caused by someone you actually care about. So Happy Mother’s Day and do me a favor and GO TO HELL.
Sabrina Usagi · Mon May 14, 2007 @ 01:48am · 1 Comments |
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yeah I realize I've had this journal for a while and I haven't posted anything but now I have and I only have one major thing to say about what has been going on in my life for well my whole life, my mother is a hypocritical b***h who if she died right now I'd probably throw a party rejoicing the fact that she is no longer able to bother me or degrade me or cause me anymore pain than she already has in her mission to make me become suicidal so here is a poem just for her, though it is rather tame considering what I have been feeling for a long time twisted heart twisted
All things you said to me
Could have made me a better person
Or was it made me a bitter person
Well you know I’m not sure anymore
Cause they tell you to get past it
To accept what life throws at you
When life gives you lemons make lemonade
But I’m too busy squeezing them over my open wounds
So give me my chance to forget the mundane
To reach a novel goal, something innovative
But what do you mean it’ll be even harder
Maybe I’ll stay here, and someone will reach for me
So it dawned upon me, a new day
But somehow I can’t forget the last
Maybe if I open my eyes again
No, no more looking to the sun
Cause it may just be my burning retinas
Or my dying pride
But I’m ready
To let go
Of YOU
Now and forever
Dearest Mother of mine
Sabrina Usagi · Mon May 07, 2007 @ 10:31pm · 1 Comments |
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The First and Final
It was odd how it happened
They just came together that day
Her tutu left behind
His tap shoes tossed away
The stage was so dark
And the pain was so new
That when she opened her eyes
She didn’t know what to do
She was sitting in the center
Her Pointe shoes at her side
The audience was absent
And so was her pride
He looked on from the wings
Her face like a light
In her stained white leotard
With her bun such a plight
He’d come to see her dance
In a glorious show
She was an immaculate Odette
Like a swan in new snow
But something had happened
As he took up her hand
As she looked into his eyes
Her pain burning like a brand
He pulled her to her feet
She gave him back attitude
He pulled her into a kiss
A kiss so rough and crude
She felt like butterflies
As she flew high in the air
She never thought she’d come down
But when she did he was there
In his hand he held hers
And with a pirouette and a twist
She’d combre in his arm
And he’d give a chaste kiss
One last peke into an arabesque
And it seemed their dance was done
And though she knew not his name
Her heart he had so skillfully won
And every time she danced on that stage
She thought of that man
And she’d dance like she was with him
Until they’d dance once again
© 2007 Sabrina Daley
Sabrina Usagi · Mon May 07, 2007 @ 10:24pm · 0 Comments |
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So much time has gone
I don’t know what to say
I feel I hurt you some way
If I open up today
So just look me in the eye
And tell me you still care
That you’ll want me to be there
That with me you’ll want to share
What’s on your mind and
What’s happening if your life
That I wont cause you strife
That you won’t reach for the knife
To end our severed relationship
So that we have no more ties
Don’t worry you won’t hear my cries
As I just wish I could die
First I must tell you the truth
Of why my communication stopped
Though our friendship I never dropped
And could never have forgot
Of course part of it was her
Of course that still rings true
But there was something I could do
But back then I seemed to love you
I just couldn’t get you from my mind
You were so close to my heart
And I didn’t wish to part
But I didn’t know where to start
The truth is I just couldn’t
I couldn’t deal with my love
So aside I did shove
The side of me that was
So fond of you I couldn’t
Seem to speak
The part that couldn’t think
So I started to drink
But now I’m ready to say I love you
Sabrina Usagi · Mon May 07, 2007 @ 10:22pm · 0 Comments |
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