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10th Garde was so Dandy!! =]] Pt.2 |
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I thought I was very much infatuated with Akeem. ln which I was. So much. I didn't take notice to the pain I was causing E. But he had a girlfriend the very next friday after we broke up. I felt jealous those ugly physcos never deveresed My E. Who the hell did they really think they were? For this everyday was a new battle with Mae. Seeing E happy; made her happy and I just had a very sour attitude about the whole thing. Maybe I was selfish. Maybe I wanted my caked and wanted to eat it too..? I don't know. But at least Erica told me none of E's new girlfriends could ever compete with me. (Was that even a plus)?
But diegress, Mae and I were aruging more && more than usual....
I was just glad Spring Break was right around the corner so I could relax and get my thoughts together.
&& When Spring Break did come... I became evil to E all over again. I played with his mind. I just wanted to know. To know what he was thinking, what he thought of me, how did he feel about Akeem and I, how did he feel about Him and Myself(becuse he wasn't going to be honest anway). Anyway.. I think it was Thursday, we'er still on Spring Break and Akeem comes over just to hang with me for awhile. I was texting E earlier about his track practie.(Text messages are pure Evil)!
I had left my phone with Akeem while I went back upstairs to turn off my Mom's t.v. Before I knew it, I was getting phone calls from Mae. Telling what kind of slut c**t b***h I was. But she way overeacting, I didn't even know why. Then she told me that someone had been text E about personal "stuff".. I was like what stuff? No one would tell me. When I checked my text messages it only said : Why was Track practice cancelled??? I'd hate to accuse Akeem of doing someething. But it was all too. Wierd. But he did admitt that he did read my texts, but never sent out anything. I don't know. I didn't want to be where I was anyway. After almost 2 mounths of not smoking. I had to pick a cigerette by the end of that night. So many phone calls, so many yelling people I couldn't take it. Funny thing is it rained that day..&& I cried. I have offiaclly lost everything. Haven't suffered through enough?
I guess not. Cuase things got worst.
How worst?
Our table at lunch that was usually fully of people. Full of life. it was empty. && Only I sat there. Food was thrown at my. Mayo, ketchup && mustard packages. Some lesbian friend of mae's even spit out a piece of her apple at me... But.. I don't know. I just took it thinking:'I'll be the bigger person. I'm going to be the adult about this. '
But when no one was watching. I was crying. I was hurting like anyone else. How could your best friend turn on you so easily? && No one was listening to me either. Only Brent,Maraiah and Akeem. Soon Maraih became my best friend..(to this day I don not believe in the "Bestie" System. It's rigid.) She was only very real && raw person I knew.
But one day in Spanish II class Maraiah wasn't there. But bright as day Mae was. Laughing. Laughing. Right when her eyes landed on my face? I didn't know a damn thing... I was lost. Then she just laughed and pointed at me. She laughed and laughed. Till the girl next to me asked what was so funny. She took a deep breathe and laughed out " Akeem just f*cked && ducked!" and she continued to laugh. I turned around and said: To be continued......
 YellowDaziez · Thu Aug 20, 2009 @ 11:27pm · 0 Comments |
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10th Garde was so Dandy!! =]] |
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Alot has happened in the past year. I would guess. So much that I feel the need, to wirte it down; to get the stroy straight.
You see. I 've had a hardship still weighing heavly on me that I just can't bear to keep locked anymore. So here it is:
10th Grade! Ahh this was my year... No exuce me Our Year , Mae; my best friend and I. But oddly i was put out of place. Mae was new to our school she had just busted out of Catholic school to try a year of public to see if was all that it was cracked up to be. So we were a team no excuse me a duo. Our team consisted of pretty real people, who were honest and had the same problems as us all. E didn't know who his father was, had an alcohlic mother that kicked him out a on a daily and a lil bit of an anger problem. I ended being the one of the people that could stop him. Anothny, he was lil bit of mystery to me. But he was cool. Mae. honestly she was a b***h, through the eyes of her best friend she was everything that I wasn't && I wanted to be. But nothing was sound for Mae. Her mother didn't like her very much, Mae's father almost killed her mom&& she was always stuck home watching her little borther and sister. Her only escape was school and extra activites. And her boyfriend, I couldn't deal with him. he was way too mysterious, he was way too qutie, to be invovled with us. I didn't like him after 1 mounth of thier dating becuse:
1) He already had a very faithful girlfriend; so what does that tell you. if he did it to her. He can most definetly do it to you.
2) He flirted too much
3) He let me flirt wiith him...
After three mounths Mae couldn't take it. He was too cold. Oddly she loved him. && they ened up getting back together all secertive only I and E knew. I never said much about it. But from beginging to end.. I was drunk half of the school year... What can I say? Bad habits die very very hard. But I diegress... E and I get very close over a preiod of time he time he was my best friend&& no other guy was giving my any attention. Mae had stole them all with her spunk. My silly hippie ways were too much I guess. But I was so used to being told how pretty I was I forgot what it was like to be called ugly. && it tore me up every silnge day to hear it. But someone...E especailly made me feel; well special again. Soon after Christams break, We were offically a couple. And everyone had something to say. He was dirty, He had anger problems && Me? I was a typical slut to people. I don't know why. I'd hate to say they were jealous of me. When I swear, some of these people looked like they walked off of catwalks. So me and E are all dany &&happy. Till Anthony home boy Steve asks me about chillin with him to. Get high, laugh, talk. He was new to our school, so he needed a friend. Me thinking were just pals. Nothing is goning to happen..?
So we talking, chillin, happy friends. Before I know it. He's sucking on my neck. It's all going so slow, thean it speed up && I couldn't keep up. I didn't know what to do. Before I knew it. Life took a totslly different turn for me. I went home with some huge behind hickeys.
When E saw them I convinced him it was when were playing around && he had choked me (playfully). He promised never to do it again. Then about a mounth later my period was at least 5 days late...
I told Mae 1st. I cried. I was so scared. I loved E. I hated the thought of abortions. I hated hte thought of losing E...
The next day sometime before homeroom.. I ran him all around trying to find the perfect place where I could tell without anying listening ears. && told him what had happend. He looked me square in the eye and told me: "Damn... s**t happens. I understand that. && I'm with you all the way."
&& Speack if the Devil that very day... Aunt Flo came.
But to make sure. I got s**t face wasted. I got into a fight with my little sister for playing one her stupid video games that she was never going to open nor play&& she hit in the head witha metal pole. (Yeah I know..I maybe desvered it). Sitting in my bed with an ice pack on my head trying to sleep, but I can't. I keep thinking. What if that last shot killed my baby?(if there was a baby)Heor She could have been something great&& they neverhad a fighint chance. && I hated myself. So. I screamed. I kicked. Rolled all over the floor. MY mom took me to the ER. Thinking my little sister had crakced my skull&& I had gone crazy. My mom told the doctor "I smelled like a Bar"
E and I stayed together for another mounth. && For that mounth I put him trhough hell. I don't even know why. He got me chcolate and a teddy bear and card Valintine's Day. Guess what I did? Threw the chcolate in the trash. he got it back. I tried to sell it. Slapped people in the face wiht my bear, && tore his arm && laughed. Ripped up his card && blew it all in his face and laughed harder. ( Why do men deal with me? I don't know..) But in the end. No one can really satify my me. Untill I saw Akeem. He was perfet in very way to me. He dressed like a model, walked like a model, talked like.. wow. He was always postive && happy, never condoned to violence. && His eyelashes,. If he blinked three times, there'd a tornado in Kansas. But inedable happened. I dumped E for Akeem. && I was happy again.. Or I thougth so
To be continued.......
YellowDaziez · Thu Aug 20, 2009 @ 11:16pm · 0 Comments |
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