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well, i'm typing. i'm more awake right now than i was this time yesterday. but, i have had some mt. dew today. xp but yeah. camp.

pretty much sme old same old. the usually ruetine and all. they reall had no theme this year. but we got to d our own skits again. but, ours was horrible as usual. and i learned i'm very accident proned out there. teusday, we did a scaventure hunt. someone had to sing 'i'm a little tea pot'. so i did. and when i went up on the chapel stage, i tripped over the steps a little bit and cut my index toe on the left side. on thurday, we were going to the mess hall from chapel and it was really dark out. when i got down far enough, i thought i'd jump. i landed on more concrete steps. i jumped about half way. there's at least 15 steps. so yeah. took out part of my toe nail on my index toe on the right and scraped the skin some. susie (nickell's mom) said i cannot wear flip flops next year (which i was in both insidences). but also on thursday, we played dodgeball: campers against consulors. we lost of course but during it i got stung by a bee. twice. and it left the stinger in the second one. didn't know that until my back swelled up. tis all better now, but it really hurt on thurday. other then that, no one really got hurt. i was one of the first three kool-aid accidents. those were like the only ones of the week. and they happened on monday. but it was sooooooooooo much fun. especailly when we did kp (kitchen patrol). we would all stand there, washing dishes, singing. yeah, singing random songs that came into our head and that we all knew. and on friday we were singing some song by alica keys and jacob (or jason. i can't reamember) asked if that was victoria singing and she goes 'no, that's kaitlin. i'm just humming along.' and then he goes 'well, then sing louder'. that was funny. he said really liked my singing. and now i have to learn a lot of songs for next year so during kp and stuff we can sing for them. twas funny. we also sang in the shower. one night it was just me and toree, then the next it was us and nickell. that was hillarious. but it was soooooo cool hangin out with toree again agter like 4 years. i've got her number so we can call each other and stay in touch. gonna se if she can come to my 16 b-day party. heart i want to throw a huge bash with my friends. but, i'll think more on that later. anyways. not much else to say about camp. met and awesome guy there. name's brandon luke. funny enough, he lives close by (closer to me then nickell blaugh ). nickell asked him out on the hayride, but i think someone said if she didn't (and if i wasn't asked out by then already) then he would've asked me. i wouldn't have minded. i swear, we laughed so much together. he's hilarious. though, he's a little over a year younger then me. i don't care. though nickell won't let me have him, even if i wanted him as a boyfriend (which i haven't even thought about). but we came up with so many hilarious images i don't want to see in my head again. we were playing a game thing on , ummmmmmm........ i can't remember, but one night we played this game were one person had to go up form our teams and answer questions, and we were litsening and they asked 'how would you greet the president'. more or less would you call him mr. president and stuff like that. i never heard the answer cause when michael (a consulor) mentioned you'd greet him in flip flops, we started coming up with some hilarious stuff. i think you can get the picture. talk2hand then on thursday, we were talking about the pair of underwear that somehow ended up on the hill to the mess hall and how nickell said that someone had them on a stick and was twirling them. man we were laughing hard. i don't remember all of what we came up with, but i remember one of the last things was seeing the pope doing that (waving undies on sticks) in boxer shorts, with a beer in the other hand. yeah. blaugh we had some good laughs. too bad i didn't get any contact info on him. i wonder if nickell ever did. she was gong to try and get a number. never found out if she did. but i would try and get it from her and call him. course, bout killed him when he stole my camera and mad me say stuff like 'brandon is the smartest, hansomenest, hottest, brightest, most althletic, etc.' but the last thing he made me say was 'brandon is so sexy'. that took me a long while before i could say it. sweatdrop stressed gonk blaugh eek eek i mean, depending on how you look at it, that could be true. but nickell would kill me. she claimed him and i can't ever think of something like that. but peter had me cracking up. he would say 'manly man' in this voice that just made you crack up. rofl me and katie did any ways. and it's offical. peter and katie have been boyfriend/girlfriend for a year now. *throws confettii* i feel happy for her. and he got her a small beanie monkey as a gift. twas funny. oh! and the coolest thing that happened. i saved the best for last. on thursday night, nickell was saying she heard some of the consulors talking about meeting at the light pole in four in the morning. and katie said j.j. mention about getting some sleep, cause we would need it. we thought they were going to pull a prank. but we were wrong. but we did get up at four in the morning. we being cabin 3 and 6 (the oldest boy and girl cabins). and when amanda went to wake us up, katie almost punched our consulor blaugh and the consulor almost forgot about nickell. blaugh blaugh but we put on out shoes, grabbed out bible and flashlight as instucted and went to the chapel. at 4 in the morning!!!!! gonk well, it turned out they had designed this whole test for us. and it was awesome. during the week, we had had some small lesson on temptations from josh and we would be tested on them. and we had to pass 6 of them. the first one was about gossip. two of the counsulor talked abot people badly and we had to come up with something to pass, which we did. so, we went to the basketball court. there jason tempted us with greed. we failed this one (our group anyways. there was three different ones and we were the third). so we went back and figured out how to solve it, only to fail the third one, which was about wasting your time. you're suppose to completely skip three and go to four. so on our third trip, we did that. and failed at the fourth, which was lying. seemed easy (asking us to tell him if there was a god and then allowing us to go after just telling him). we got back there and passed it. when we got up to the mess hall, jared was there and congratulated us for making it that far. then told us that we had to pick one person to go down to the pavilion for the six challenge. we finally said that none of us were the best, all created equally in god's image, and that we all should go. that allowed us to pass. that one was for humbling yourself in side of the lord. now the last one was cool. the light bulbs in the pavilion were replaced with red ones and josh was standing there. katie guesses he was playing the part of the devil. and he tempeted us saying that we have sinned and how cuold god forgie us if we disobeyed his comandment and all that stuff. well, i remembered the lesson he taught us and told him jesus' blood. he died on the cross with his blood paying the price for our sins so we could be forgiven. and our group was the first to complete it all. it was one of the best experiences i've ever had in my lifetime. 3nodding it really shows you what the world is like and how to deal with it. so, i call it the best camp sesion ever. 3nodding

but that was my week. today was cool too. me and mom went to annies. i got some more eye liner (ran out on the second day of camp) and i got a giant rubix's cube. i mean, a regular rubix cube is only half the size. or less. but it's a little hard to do this one, being big and all. but i can still do it fast enough to annoy my neighbor, who doesn't like that i can complete it. but this afternoon i went over to maruth's house. they were having like a huge block party/open house thing. later we went to gidget's house (a 30 year old friend) and helped her with her party she was throwing that night. that was lotsa fun. but then i came home, talked with my cousins and now i'm typing here, still half asleep. i need to get the rest of my internet stuff done before i fall sleep. nite ya'll! pirate

well, it's been a week and i'm back from camp!! it really was the best ever. i had soooooooo much fun. i finally got to talk to toree for the first time in like four years or so. we hung out quite a bit. but i'm starting to think i should report evcerything tomorrow. i'm dead tired. i was up at four am last night, up for two hours and then went to sleep for two more hours. i'll explain later. i'm dead tired and can hardly keep my eyes open. keep an eye out for a report tomorrow!

Really. I'm sooooo fricking confused/mortaly shocked/dumfounded/histarical. I mean, I just finished HP#6. I mean, I was mortaly shocked to find that Harry smogged (kissed you dang mortals) Ginny on pg. 533, but then when you find out who gets killed, you're even more mortaly shocked by who killed them. Then you're confuzed on how they're going to do the 7th book, so you go to the HP forums, and I end up laughing my a** off. I went into this post called 'funniest video in the WOLRD' and found this video where someone in Dallas, TX decided to spoil the whole ending at 1am on the night it came out. Well, that was sorta funny in itself, but then someone else posted this web site, (which I think it's looped cause it plays over and over again) but it has the voice from the first vdieo and they made this little 5-7 sing-song of what he said. AND IT'S THE FUNNIEST THING I'VE SEEN IN THE LONGEST TIME!!!!!!! I mean, you're sad by what it says, but it's funny who they did it.

Ruining of the Ending
FUNIEST THING EVER!


Yeah. But, I can't wait to see how J.K. Rowling does the last book. I mean, they won't even be at Hogwarts, Fluer's marring Bill and this is just gong insane!!!! And Harry broke up with Ginny, I think. Well, sorry Tess. You had your dream come true for a while. Now if Rowling would just have Hermione and Ron together, that would make a lot of people happy. I think that they would make a great couple. I still liked Harry being with Ginny. Cept, he though Voldemort would go after her next, so her didn't want to endanger her. Hope they get back together. *sniff*

But, that's my HP ranting. Now, to go on about my day!!! Twasn't that exciting. I mean, I woke up to the sound of Maggie wailing in pain. The Fed Ex guy came around eleven and then my aunt called to see if we could go with her out to JCPenny Outlet with her so she could look for scubs. Well, I ended up with three new pairs of jeans for school and a new tank top to use for tennis practice. Tomorrow we're going out with Dianna and her dughters. She wants us to go to Chukie Cheese with her. I don't mind, but there are other place we could go. But, mom doesn't want to convince her otherwise. But, I also have to start packing for camp. Actually, I need to make a new list since the old one didn't make it through the washer that well. So, I best go. Need to do that, start reading mediator four and see if I cam get to sleep tonight!

The world has just ended.

Well, in my thought. KCchan......

Is wearing pink pants. eek It's utterly scary. I swear, when everyone sees me they'll be like 'OMFG! KCchan is wearing pink pants?! *faints*' Yeah. I could see that happening. What would really schock them would be to wear a pink dress. I can't stand dresses, of pink. Yet, I'll wear dresses when forced and now wearing pink for the hell of it. Keep thinking about bringing them to camp. T'would freak Nickell out. But, I'll save them for school. Maybe wear them on the first day. I think the shirt I wanted to wear would match them. Hehe. Give them all a good shock. twisted But yeah. We did end up going swimming with my cuz's today. And I'm finally getting a little sunbun again. On my face for the most part. a little on my chest (tis kinda a low-cut bathing suit sweatdrop ) but now KCchan is really looking tan. Yay!!! I like being tan. Tis fun. Been reading too much again. Gameboy has been helping to lower it. Playing Super Mario World on GBA. Originally for the Super NES. *siff* crying I miss my NES. Used to play tetris all the time on it. Now it's at my grandparent's house. Pooey. But I'll live. Hopefully. No one really talks to me anymore though. Tess is finally back and won't get on till she's finished the HP #6 book, so won't get to talk to her till after camp, Anneal get's on really late, and Katie seems to log off right after I start to talk. So this really isn't helping the fact that I'm about to go nuts in here!!!!! At least I've gotten out a little more this week. We may/may not get out tomorrow, depending on when this package comes. And if we do, we'll just go to Borders (which is sad cause I have no money and I need DOD #6 crying crying ). But, I'll try my best to make it through. Me, my pink pants and pink ball cap. ^^ *sigh* gotta start packing for camp on Friday. Twill finish on Saturday, after my cu'z b-day party, and before we porbably get together that night. We're going swimming and having the b-day party at the GV pool. Should be fun. More tanning!! But I'll do most of the out at camp. I don't like to swim at camp cause that just drains me and I'm tired enough out there. Don't know how i'll survive. But I have lotsa candy to help. Twizlers, Whether's Original, Jolly Ranchers, and Ritz Cracker Sticks (can't have it all candy). Twill take my drawing notebook and a regular notebook. Try and write some entries or thoughts out there so my depression doesn't get out of hand. Takes control of me easily if I'm not careful. Well, I think I'm out of things to say, Nite!

woot! kcchan is still uterly tired. i have no fricking clue why either. i'm still staying up till about midnight like i always have. i've been reading a lot, but why would that affect it. i really don't know anymore. i can't think about how i'll survive camp next week, or worse, school, if this doesn't wear off before then. god. i'm just a problem child. i keep waking up with small alements that wear away at the end of the day. yeah. i'm just weird. but i think most people already knew that. over half-way done with hp #6 now. it's really good. still trying to figure out who the half-blood prince is. and my guess is that fluer dies. i have no clue why, but i'm just guessing that. guess i'll find out in about another 100 pages (from what my dad says). then i can read mediator four! and after that, five! woot! lol. i read too much. but, yeah. my cuz's are coming over tomorrow morning. my aunt has got some papers she has to fill out for her new job. she's also gonig to be a para at the middle school. great. means i'll see my cuz more. but then when my aunt is done, she's taking us swimming. oh, and our other cuz tevor is going to be with us the whole day too. since both of his parents work, he spends his days at my aunts house, since she babysits normally. she's done at the end of july. and when we get back from camp, my mom wants to see is she wants to go with us to the jcpenny outlet and school shop a little bit. i need to find jeans. i already have like six shirts (a cool tennis one, a sportsy slim flit one, a polo whee , the 'i can multi-task: i talk and annoy at the same time' whee , the 'i won't talk in school' with monkey that has it's mouth taped shut whee whee , and the 'this girl loves to talk' whee . i can't wait. i'm wearing the 'i will not talk in school' the first day and then 'this girl loves to talk' the second day. thought it would be fun to throw everyone off. twisted ). so that should be fun. i've gotten two drawings done this week also. i love the way they turned out. i think the lastest one i just finished is one of my most fav. ones. it turned out really neat. still, no scanner. and now i have a broken web cam. guess i'll put that on my b-day/x-mas list. oo! speaking of x-mas, my mom is actually thinking of getting my sis an electric gutair. eek eek eek my sis has been wanting one of those forever!!! she wants to be in the jazz band in high school. funny enough, my mom was looking around on the internet and found a pink electic guitair. eek eek xp confused blaugh she said you can get them for a decent price and they would allow her to take lessons, cause she does nothing. and they really want to encourage her to do something she wants. as long as i can get a mp3 player and a good downloading program, i'm perfectly fine. and resident evil 4. still reeeeaaallllllyyyyyy wanting that game. will get it. no matter what it takes. muwahahahahahahahahaha!!! twisted yeah. anyways. i think that's all i have to say. nite ya'll!!

yeah. hyper yet so damn tired. things always seem to work out that way. oh, yeah. and i have another headache. i have no clue why either. i mean, i have done really anything today. cept finish another picture. i did decide on thursday that i would reread HP #5 before 6 came out. well, i got done sunday, and read the first three chapters of #6. tis reallly good though. might be why i'm soooooo tired. i've been reading too much and the heat isn't helping. i just really haven't been myself lately b/c of that. i've hardly wanted to get on the computer or play video games. the only things i've done that i usually do is draw. it's been helping lately to keep the depression down. music is just distracting. but like i said, i just don't seem to be my normal self. i can't wait for these next three weeks to pass either. i just want to get back to playing tennis again. sure, i can't wait for camp next week (i'll finally get to see toree again after like five years almost) and seeing everyone there that i haven't seen in a year, but tennis has become so important in my life. i enjoy it more than any sport, i've made some good friends playing it, and it helps to clear my mind. when i'm out there playing, all i can think is what swings and slices and hits i can use to defeat my opponent. it's just one of those things that makes you think rather quickly on the spot. that and i can't wait for school to start. i really don't know why either. i guess it's just the fact i hate being stuck at home and i want to be around people i know, especially my friends. i have the greatest ones in the world. i was lucky enough to find friends who are there to support each other and everything else. i have no clue where i would be w/o them. but, yeah. i think i'm rambilng again. damn headache. i swear, i could ramble aimlessy forever with one of these. but, yeah. i think i'll go. need to read and stuff. so, yeah. nite!

okay. well, i thought today was a pretty good day. i mean, i went to tennis, had some lunch, went out to run errands and went to youth group. you know, it was a pretty normal day. though, dad let me drive home. no, i didn't crash, but now everyone seems mad at me. i pulled the can into the garage (doing the best i could) not hitting the mirrors, but i had a litlle trouble and hit the stuff in front of the wall just slightly. and like no one's talked to me since i got home. this put me into a whole depressiony thing, so now i'm bumming out. there's no one to talk to and i'm going nuts. GET ME OUT OF HERE!!!!!! *sigh* that felt a little better. i do feel good though. i finished and awesome drawing. i still have no scanner, so, yeah. but it looks really cool. at least for my drawing skills. but yeah. i'm going to start rambling. my emotion circut has gone haywire. that happens everytime the depressiony thing starts. so i'm going nuts here and there's no one to talk to.
so,. yeah. help me!!!

okay. just read the first paragraph if you like happy stuff. the second one is my help paragraph for me. headaches don't like me. but one word of advice: go see dark water. i loved the movie!! tess dragged me a long to see it last night. twas really good. a really good remake. me jumped!!! and about had both arms ripped off. rofl tess had ahold of my left shirt sleeve and she jumped at this one part and like about pulled my sleeve off. funny part, the girl next to me said that she about grabbed my sleeve and did the same. i laughed. blaugh but yeah. it was really good. and i finally bought legal drug #2. lol. took me long enough. i brought money and we went to B&N afterwards. i bought that, and tess got wallflower #3 and othello #4. me get to read those while she in jamaica. so yeah, fun. ooo! i finally learned that girls name! the one from parks and rec. her names laura. yay!! still don't know a last one, but i'll try and learn that later. and jadyn's finally gotten back from nebraska. yay! got her to play tennis too. need to draw. i think this might be one of those night i might actually be able to draw. so, me try. and then i must read. yes. read.......... and i got two new pairs of shoes for school!!! well, ones for school and the other's for tennis. but yeah. one we bought at k-mart and the other was online. so now i set on shoes. plus, now i have four shirts for school; one that had something about tennis, a sky blue fitted shirt, a polo (yeah, been wanting one ^^), and, my fav shirt, the one that says 'i'm multi-talented: i can talk and annoy at the same time'. yay!! i've been wanting that one. plus i found a bag for this school year. i love messanger bags, i just hate the flap that keeps it closed. but, i found one that zips! it's sooooo awesome. but, yeah.

right now i just seem to be going downhill. no, i've had a very decent day. it was just blah. i think reading kodacha set me off today. i mean, i've been keeping all of my feelings in control to make sure my depression era didn't get out of hand, but i'm not that sure what just set it off today. i just got done with kodacha and i feel like i relate to one of the characters well. not at this time, but at some times and then all emotions hit me at once and then it's just hard to do anything but type in a journal, or talk to someone. well, i've gone with choice #1. why? no ones on. i would call, but it's almost 9pm and talking on the phone i don't think would help. not even on an online messanger. i mean, yeah, i usually love talking on that, but at these times, it's just better to talk to someone up close. and not with any of my family. i don't want them to know. i don't want a lot of people to know a lot of things. so i kept to myself and type. and this is one of those times i secretly wished i had a boyfriend. someone to just hold me and cheer me up. but, yeah. like that'd happen. i'm not liked 'that' way by anyone. i mean, there might have been one (that i've already mentioned in here), but like i've already said before, he's moved. other then that, i'm hopeless. maybe in a few years i'll find someone, but will this worsen by then? that's only what i'm afraid of. and i hate to ever post an entry like this. but it's the only way to semi calm me down. that and listening to loud music through headphones (which i'm doing right now). i guess it's calmed me down some, as well as this, but i guess i'll be like this till morning. then i'll be chipper! either that or i'll end up putting on an act again. there's so many things i wish i didn't have to do, but it's better for the moment that i do. i'm afraid to read right now. i want to go and read mediator 3, but i'm not sure if i can concentrate. my mine goes through so many thoughts when i'm like this. i hate it. music and reading blocks it out, but only for short time. then i get distracted. i have no clue what the hell is wrong with me. so, i don't know how to fix it. more or less, i don't want help. i'd love to fix it on my own. i want to alone in a room blasting with music. or so i'd actually say. but turn it around. it's the complete opposite just like almost everything i say. but will i ever admit that to people? maybe a select few.
if i broke down now, would you even hear?
if i cried for help, would you even listen?
if i dissapeared, would you care?
if i was lost and lonely, would you find me?
if i asked for help, would you save me?
if i trusted you, would you break it?
if i gave you my heart, would you keep it always?
if i gave up hope, would you find it?
if i lied to you, would you still be by my side?
if i gave it my all, would you also?
if i was mislead, would you have been the one to do so?
if i hid my self darkness, would would bring me to the light?
if i came to harm way, would you stray from that path?
if i streamed tears of sorrow, would you turn them to happiness?
if i was being watched, would you be the one doing so to keep me safe?