Revelations
One begins to tire of wallowing in self-pity after so long. Even if the unknown offers a solution to one’s predicaments, they are inclined to accept what promises to rid them of their tribulations. I am no exception to this principle. Longing to be relieved of my various torments, and, for some reason, wishing for a way to escape this drudging everyday life, I allowed myself to follow a concealed trail, discovered with much exertion, in the depths of the forest. The trail was rumored to lead to a cryptic mirror that was said to bestow upon the one that seeks it the object of their desires. I myself did not exactly know whether what I desired was something that could be given, but curiosity dragged me on. By dusk, the woods began to thicken, and by then I had found the mirror of legend upon a mighty oaken tree. The tree seemed to extend high above the forest and penetrate the very sky itself. The mirror was weatherworn and glinted in stray beams of sunlight. So there I stood, somewhat skeptical that such an object was surely mystical, peering into the mirror. Feeling no differently, and evidently not having received the object of my desires, I had come to the conclusion that the tales were mendacious, and decided to trek back into the forest and return home.
Upon my return I was suddenly greeted by my father. I was astonished to find not the wrinkled and grizzled face of the man I have known for so long, but a man with an air of vigor about him; a man with liveliness in his face and a spring in his step. Surely this had to be some sort of phantasm, for this was not the reality in which I lived. Perhaps I was not as disturbed as I should have been. I knew my father had seen much better, happier days, and I was quite pleased that he somehow seemed to return to those times. But what had become of me? Before I realized what had happened, I was swooped off the ground and was in my father’s arms. Why, my father hasn’t been able to do that in years, not since I was about 10 or so years old... I had missed my father’s warm embraces since our family had grown apart over the years. He led me through the house and through several rooms that were new and yet so familiar to me. It was then that I saw my image reflected in shafts. A young girl with bobbed chestnut hair started back at me, her small blue dress adorned with lace, a single daisy buried beneath her chestnut locks but somehow emerging from behind her ear. How absurd… How could this possibly be?
Joyous laughter erupted in a nearby room. Slowly, I made my way over to the frame of the door. Perched in the closest chair to the entry was a woman I soon recognized as my grandmother. Her diminished stature was no more. She sat proudly before the numerous guests in the room, many of whom I did not recognize. “Oh, what a lovely child!” one of the women chirped as I attempted to make my way across the room. The mind numbing chatter ceased momentarily while everyone’s attention was turned in my direction. Evidently, this “lovely child” was me. So the reflection had not been farce after all. This was truly my new reality, reverted to the embodiment of a mere child. No child could possibly be taken seriously, no matter how wise or intelligent they may appear. I was unable to comprehend how this could have possibly been what I desired.The patronizing glances from the faces around me were unbearable. Surely being a child is easier, but not when you’re fully aware of how condescending others are, and surely not when your small stature leaves you susceptible to things you were once so accustomed to. All your past accomplishments no longer mean anything, for there is no one but yourself to remember them.
But then again, you could always start over. You could better yourself, know what mistakes not to make, know the right moves to take, come out on top and avoid mediocrity. But have you really gained anything from that? By simply avoiding mistakes you aren’t learning anything. You haven’t withstood anything or really truly earned anything. I looked around at the faces around me, mostly grinning masks, few endearing smiles, and contemplated whether this life would be worth living.
