Welcome to Gaia! :: View User's Journal | Gaia Journals

I feel so lost in life. I don't know what to do with myself. If I wanted to find a career in photography I would first have to buy my own camera (expensive for a good one), then take courses on it, and then I would be able to compete against all those people who took photos for a hobby from high school on.
I was going to go into some business courses but then my boyfriend asked me if that is what I really want to do. But it isn't, I don't know what I really want to do, but it isn't run a business or help run a business. I mean sure, you would proly make good money and have decent benifits, but I don't really want to do that. So what about the banks? I've been trying, but I don't get any response.

And even if I did, chances are high that I would miss the call. And even if I didn't miss the call, it would be a b***h to set up and interview because of work and the crappy bus system here. And I don't have the energy or discipline to look for a job on my days off anyway. Even thinking about work gets me depressed (I've been crying for the past 20 minutes) and I just can't get the energy to actually go and look for a job when all i want to do is forget that work even exists.

And OMG, speaking of depressed... I get to spend this weekend all by myself. Kevin is going on a camping trip with his company. I just know I'm going to end up so lonely and depressed by the end of it. And with my luck I'll have sunday off and work monday, which kevin has off because its a long weekend. Oh, and i work saturday at 8am. Which means 2 hours of customer service. i hate the customer service. It's so stressful. I'm going to be a ******** wreck this weekend.

God I ******** hate being alive. Please someone just kill me. I'm tired of living with pain, I'm tired of being sad and depressed and yet it just won't ******** go away no matter what I try. It just keeps on coming back to haunt me yet again.