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Guess who I talked to?! Jumi....I'm like lost for words...he picks the worst times to show back up...not worst...his timing is amazing though...well, not really...he said he's been keeping an eye on me...anyway, read our chat....

Jumi : Long time no see, Sarena. How've you been, love?
Zakia : ...?
Zakia : I haven't been called that in a very long time...
Zakia : And who the hell are YOU to call me love?! Ish Izzyness?
Jumi : No. Think hard melon-head.
Zakia : This isnt' "the" Jumi, that Jumi went away.
Zakia : 'course thats the only person stupid enough to call me
Zakia : melonhead
Jumi : Ha, funny. Will you be kind enough to answer my questio
Zakia : Depends, who the hell is this?
Jumi : your knight in shining armor, guardian...remember?
Zakia : How do I know this is really my Jumi and not a poser?
Jumi : Don't be silly Courtney, you know its me.
Zakia : ...where have you been all this time? I was so scared
Zakia : so fcking worried about you...
Zakia : yuo pickde one hell fo a time to come back...
Jumi : I know...been reading your journal and figured it was time
Jumi : to come back to you.
Zakia : wth is THAT suppose to mean?
Zakia : Last time I remember you we're an uber jerk to me.
Zakia : and why the hell you on RO? how you find me?
Jumi : Signature on Gaia, sweetie.
Zakia : don't call me that.
Jumi : that didn't bother you before
Zakia : well it does now so stop it
Jumi : Why?
Zakia : 'cause I fckin said so ur pissin me off now stop it
Jumi : HA got through /gg
Zakia : I hate how blocking doesn't work...waste of time...
Jumi : Is it because of that guy you dont' like me calling you
Jumi : names of sweet affection?
Zakia : What guy?
Jumi : Josh
Zakia : ....how the FCK do you know about that?!
Jumi : I've been reading your journal this entire time
Zakia : ...
Jumi : I didn't go away, you quit talking to me so I just kept
Jumi : tabs on you.
Zakia : Why?
Jumi : Dont worry aboutit
Zakia : I'll worry about whatever I chose to.
Jumi : so fiesty
Zakia : Shut up
Jumi : He did you wrong. you didnt' deserve that Courtney
Zakia : what the hell are you talking anout?
Jumi : What Josh did to you was not right.
Jumi : You didn't deserve that.
Jumi : I know you have lieed in your time, your not perfect thoug
Jumi : you followed your heart, you did what you thought was righ
Jumi : if that little btch can't accept that, then he didnt deserve to
Jumi : know you the first place. Your to good for him
Zakia : Shut up you dont know waht your talking about
Jumi : I do
Jumi : I know you hurt, I know he broke you in so many ways
Jumi : your like my sister damn it, I dont want you like this
Zakia : Then leave me alone
Jumi : Don't push me away on account of him. I see wht your
Jumi : doing, I know you like the back of my hand
Zakia : Just because you read my fcking journal doesnt mean you
Jumi : Your trying to be a tough girl now because he fcked u up
Zakia : know anything about me
Jumi : and hurt you that way...i feel your pain little sister, just
Jumi : let me make it go away.
Zakia : its just...not fair....
Jumi : I know
Zakia : I gave up everything...I want us to be so happy together..
Zakia : it was so possible I know it...i know m and Josh coulda
Zakia : been happy...i changed for him, i fixed my moodswings
Zakia : i fixed myself it was so hard...but i did it...
Zakia : just wasnt enough...i wasnt enough..i wasnt good enough..
Jumi : You are
Jumi : don't let him put you down
Zakia : But he lied to me abotu everything...all those feelings and
Zakia : emotions were lies...that connection was fake..soul mate
Zakia : nothing but a fcking lie and I was to stupid to see that...
Jumi : Your used to being used by guys, your used to being hurt
Jumi : and lied to, you wanted him to be right so bad you forgot
Jumi : everything I taught you.
Zakia : I didnt forget...i cjhose to ignore it...
Zakia : i whis i wouald sene thsi....i sdhoulda knew he would be
Zakia : like everye1one else...
Jumi : Stop crying little sister
Zakia : im not...
Jumi : You type like that whenevr you are
Zakia : shut up...
Jumi : You said only Chris really knew you, you forgot about me
Jumi : Please don't let him hold you down. I know you loved him
Jumi : Courtney or else you wouldn't of did what you did...
Jumi : I have never seen you...change so much for anyone
Jumi : I don't know this Josh, but he must have been very special
Zakia : he was...
Jumi : And now he's gone. So move on and forget about him.
Jumi : he does't deseve to be cherished in your memories the way
Jumi : you are allowing him to be. He doesnt' deseve it
Zakia : Yes he does..
Zakia : if I woual just never spoke to iaac...if i woulda just
Zakia : left Greg when i first met Johs it would be ok
Jumi : How do you know that?
Jumi : He still would have been lieing to you about everything now
Zakia : maybe it owuld be difrent...
Jumi : Courtney come on now. Where is your intelligence at now?
Jumi : He was a lieing little bstard and he always will be to get
Jumi : what he wants. Forget him.
Zakia : I'm trying to its hard...
Zakia : my feelings were real...evertrhin i said to him was real...
Jumi : he wasn't real thats why he is throwing you away like this
Jumi : now
Zakia : ....
Jumi : You can't have a funtioning relationship if you love the hell
Jumi : out of him and he's lieng so he can feel better abotu himse
Zakia : Stop talking abad abotu him...
Jumi : He's a bad person Courtney
Zakia : No...just bad stuff happened to him...stuff he couldnt chan
Zakia : ge
Jumi : Why are you letting yoruself believe that? Yoru so strong
Jumi : Please for your own sake let the little fcker go
Zakia : I'm trying to
Zakia : its so hard...like with Shadow except a thousand times
Zakia : worse
Jumi : I know, little sister...I know
Jumi : You'll get over him just like you did Shadow
Zakia : I'm not over Shadow..I messaged him the other day...
Jumi : ...
Zakia : I miss him...I miss my friends...
Zakia : I hate these new people...
Zakia : All the new people hurt me so much...
Jumi : I'll stick around longer this time, little sister.
Jumi : I have to go now, I'll message you when I can.
Jumi : I promise.
Zakia : Pinky swear?
Jumi : /heh yes,
Zakia : If I'm not on priestess PM my archer ok?
Zakia : her name is "M e l o d y" yes with spaces
Jumi : Be safe, I will be back soon.

I didn't leave his login name...went to word anc changed it to what i know him by...I dont' want anyone to bother him or Jumi will go away like last time...

He always does this...comes and ******** go as he pleases....I'm still waiting for him to come back...its been forever....I wonder if he'll disappear for a few more months and then come back....

I dunno....I don't ******** know anymore....

Anyway....

I changed my entire reply to JOsh's comment. I'd PM him but he doesn't answer those....messages like that are better left private but since he won't answer my PM's I had to bring it up here...it was just a responce to your comments which deeply hurt me. Just rage and anger...my pathetic inabilty to let go...I will, don't you worry about that. You hurt me alot, no where else to vent but here so sorry you are "rag"ed on. Your actions are deemed unessary. I wont' let up anytime soon, so just don't read here like I asked you to entrys back...you shouldnt' read here anway...why are you still reading my journal since ou hate me? Since I love in Ohio? Remember:
Zakia : Just answer me this...are
we no longer friends?
Bon Midaou : You live in Ohio and i
live in New Mexico...nothing can
happen
Bon Midaou : Dwell on that
Bon Midaou : Goodbye

sad

.....you said that. You confuse me. Make sense.

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