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Although some of you may expect this to be a rant about my younger brother Nick, I am afraid his evil does in fact have a finite quality... This is about the only other thing the gets to me, eternity. It is the one thing I fear and the one thing that stings my soul the most. In truth, I cannot fully explain the extent of damage that one concept inflicts apon me. It is like an enormous wrenching at the innermost part of my soul, ridden with fear and confusion. By now I expect half or more of you reading this to be either laughing or sitting with your face screwed up in confusion. I expect this only because I know that others cannot feel the same way I feel about eternity. The one thing that can drop me into complete dispair. I have seen more than I am supposed to have seen, I know more than I should know, and this causes me pain. And on top of it all I ache to know more. I seem to know too much to keep me safe from the plauge of endlessness and yet not enough to protect myself from it. A quality of endlessness, that is what eternity is, or so I am told. I find it ironic that I do not fear death itself, but eternity. It truely is the only thing that can break me, a lack of understanding of a simple yet complex concept... It is too bad none of us can change our fate, the choices we believe we make everyday... Not choices at all. Just us, following exactly a path that has already been determined. Never allowed to stray in the slightest, but then agian, why would we? If this path was made so perfectly, why would we ever want to stray from it? It doesn't matter I suppose, we are doomed to whatever it brings. I see too much I suppose, a curse or gift? Curse is what I believe, although I would not like to elaborate on that... It seems as though I messed up and began to stray off topic... Eternity...... after this life we are doomed to eternity. Never an end to anything. What exactly is it about this that messes with me? I do not know, but even I am writing this part I can feel the tell-tale pulling at my heart. Feellings that I cannot now, nor ever describe. So why am I making this entry you might ask? I made it in hopes of easing the pain. I hoped if I wrote this all out for others to see that I would feel better or something like that. It turns out, it didn't really help, but I will not delete this entry as I do the others, not sure why, but I'll keep it... Comment if you would like, it doesn't make much of a difference to me...