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06.19.05
My thoughts on things whee well, hell....everyone else is doing it!
Well, yeah. I guess I just feel like my head is filled with these thoughts on mostly everything and I need to get them out. I'm not depressed or anything, just....i dunno. Just feel like sharing.
I was thinking....about music. Music canchange my thoughts, my emotions....so I wonder, if a piece...ONE piece...of music can be THAT strong, that powerful....what could TURE love do? What could TRUE hate do? What feelings would be sent rushing to me? Music is just a representation of what someone feels...so how much damage would those real feeling do? It's amazing to even imagine...
I mean,. I'm ALWAYS taking things for granite, and I really never mean to, but I do...so I always act like I'm going through worse situations than everybody else, but when I notice that I haven't really experienced true love or hate...but just music...that I don't even compare to people. I need to make myself realize this, and I hope I can soon.
What is perfect? Why does everyone want to be perfect? I even find myself trying to change to make my image better, and that's not what I want....((MY BROTHER IS ANNOYING THE CRAP OUTTA ME! stressed )) anyways...I want to be myself. For nobody else. People want to be seen as someone who everyone will like, but it's never gonna happen...People have opinions, and they stick to them. We will never find peace, and it kills me...because I want to know everything...
What would peace feel like? Nobody fighting...ever. Everyone including em assumes it'd be amazing, but what if it's not? If nobody ever fought, would interest in the world around us change? What would you stand up for? If everybody agreed on everything...whats the point of rights? Nobody would be themselves anymore, right? Because nobody would have their own opinions...and that just sucks.
It's just like the lyrics of a song...
Oh brother I can't, I can't get through
I've been trying hard to reach you, cause I don't know what to do
Oh brother I can't believe it's true
I'm so scared about the future and I wanna talk to you
Oh I wanna talk to you
You can take a picture of something you see
In the future where will I be?
You can climb a ladder up to the sun
Or write a song nobody has sung
Or do something that's never been done
Are you lost or incomplete?
Do you feel like a puzzle, you can't find your missing piece?
Tell me how do you feel?
Well I feel like they're talking in a language I don't speak
And they're talking it to me
So you take a picture of something you see
In the future where will I be?
You can climb a ladder up to the sun
Or a write a song nobody has sung
Or do something that's never been done
Do something that's never been done
So you don't know were you're going, and you wanna talk
And you feel like you're going where you've been before
You tell anyone who'll listen but you feel ignored
Nothing's really making any sense at all
Let's talk, let's ta-a-alk
Let's talk, let's ta-a-alk
It almost tells how I feel...It's like I'm so scared that something bad will happen. Or that I won't go anywhere in life. I never want to take a chance, and I always wonder what's the true reason? I want to be guarranteed, but I know that would make life uninteresting...
I feel like the whole world is a lose-lose situation...if you know that everything will be alright...you have nothing to look forward to, and If you don't know, then you spend your entire life afraid of what'll happen to you. And I know that there are people who aren't afraid of life, and take the risk to live to the fullest, and i CRAVE to be like them. I hate being insecure, but I want to loosen up so bad. It's a desire I think I will never fulfill...because I want to be me, and I don't want to change for anyone.
So does everything hit a dead end like that? Maybe the world is a puzzle...but that piece that is missing for everyone, where is it? Does it even exist? Sometimes I feel like everybody is trying to figure out everything, but we end up nowhere.
I just want to figure out the best way to enjoy life for everything it IS, instead of wondering about everything its NOT...that's what I mean when I say I take things for granite. Me along with so many other people focus so hard on the negative, we don't realize that there is so much positive out there. The news is half to blame. All the news shows is bad things. Shootings, Rapes, Murders, Fights, Deaths, Disasters, Traffic Jams...just bad things. If the news started to show all of the GOOD things that happens out there, people just might feel more secure and better about the world. If light was shed on the positive, maybe it would drown out the negative.
But am I really speaking reality here? I'm always so caught up in my fantasy world where everything is just right. I feel as though I have already lost sight of the reality and thats why I complain so much. When I listen to music, I go into a state of mind, where its me....and I'm free. I can do whatever I want, with no regrets or concerns. I want that freedom and carelessness. I want to just dissapear and be in a world that expressed myself, where I can live happy.
And I think I don't realize that I already do that....those states of mind, are they miracles? I'd like to think so. I always think that it's not fair that I can't be in this great perfect world forever...but those times when I CAN be there, even if they're short times, it's a miracle. A moment of restlessness and joy....freedom, is precious, and I must realize how precious it is. I'm getting everything I wish for in those moments, and it's really a moment I should cherish and be happy about, instead of complaining that it isn't real. It's a gift from whereever, and I hope that in the future I can be in that state of mind and say, "Thank you, for all that I've been given and to know what it is to be at peace for this moment." I'm lucky to have those moments, and so is everyone else who has the same thing.
So yes, maybe I am really a worse person than I say I am, and maybe I do take things for granite. Maybe I don't try hard enough. Maybe I don't reach the goals I set. But I know that I'm not perfect, and that there's nothing I can do to change that. So If you disagree, that's fine. You are who you are, and you shouldn't change for me, because I won't change for you. I love you all and I hope that every one of you can notice those precious moments and realize that they are miracles. And I hope that you will be grateful for those miracles, so that you will be happy and love the life you live. Everything may lead to a dead end, but that doesn't mean that it's impossible to just hop over the sign and keep going. n.n So don't be afraid of life, there is always a way to redeem yourself.
Love, Iia.
P.S. omg, i feel so inspiring - like xD *needs to shut up*
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